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Wine Dark Sea (Cellar Door poem)

Submitted by gregwa8 on Thu, 2019-03-28 13:28

To get the wine
That swells with time
We must ignore
The cellar door

To taste the ships
Upon our lips
The cellar door
Must be ajar

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
A reading of my poem is at: https://soundcloud.com/gregwa8/wine-dark-sea
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Cellar Door

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2019-03-29 16:49

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did it by habit and checked the N/A box without thinking! Oh well, this is a critique of this poem. The title is catchy and drew me in right away. Language okay, the rhythm of it seemed like waves and the theme of wine being a dark sea, pretty good. I like that you ended it with a play of word. ~ Geezer.
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gregwa8

Fri, 2019-03-29 23:52

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thanks geezer. a little sing song poem, with the sing song word of the day :)

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Rula

Mon, 2019-04-01 04:48

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lovely rhymes and rhythm.
Did you mean "chips" or "ships"?

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weirdelf

Mon, 2019-04-08 12:50

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and evocative.
A different tone to most of the posts scrawled in blood on cellar doors.

cheers,
Jess
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'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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gregwa8

Thu, 2019-04-11 00:22

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thanks jess!

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