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Lickalotapuss

Submitted by zebra on Sun, 2019-03-17 13:49

Cuckqueen
in a kink clutch
breaking a twisted angel
on the rack of
onward Christian solders
in ecstatic flagellations
for kinky saliva cliterature
with a mouth black window widows bite
in a white lie light
of cruel dark night
while jazz jizz
layonaise spatters
where its soft and hurts good
and fossil wang pussies
drive down the armageddon highway
in a bright burn
with dirty feet on clean sheets
and drooling tongues
lickalotapuss

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Last few words: 
xxx sexual content ;)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2019-03-18 10:32

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pass by a title like that? Your word twists are unique. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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zebra

Mon, 2019-03-18 10:48

zebra's picture

YEEEEHAAAA !!!
Thanks like 600 cats eating a beached whale :)

author comment

Eumolpus

Mon, 2019-03-18 22:36

Eumolpus's picture

Can't comment of the content, (feels like the mushrooms did their thing.) I really like most of the sounds, and the images and abstractions..the Armageddon highway, the invented words.
all works for me but

with a mouth black window widows bite

is a line too hard to say, and so stops the flow of sound...too much alliteration

and

in a white lie light
of cruel dark night

as the only rhyme just does not feel like it fits to me after a few reads.

I think the poem works best with its creative word play like jazz jizz ...very Lewis Carol

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

zebra

Tue, 2019-03-19 04:01

zebra's picture

Thanks for your comments Mark
Yeah the language is up there with
"Betty Botter bought some butter but said she the butters bitter if I put it in my batter it will make my butter bitter" :0 or unique New York

I fell in love with Mina Loy

Lunar Baedeker By Mina Loy

A silver Lucifer
serves
cocaine in cornucopia

To some somnambulists
of adolescent thighs
draped
in satirical draperies

Peris in livery
prepare
Lethe
for posthumous parvenues

Delirious Avenues
lit
with the chandelier souls
of infusoria
from Pharoah’s tombstones

lead
to mercurial doomsdays
Odious oasis
in furrowed phosphorous

the eye-white sky-light
white-light district
of lunar lusts

Stellectric signs
“Wing shows on Starway”
“Zodiac carrousel”

Cyclones
of ecstatic dust
and ashes whirl
crusaders
from hallucinatory citadels
of shattered glass
into evacuate craters

A flock of dreams
browse on Necropolis

From the shores
of oval oceans
in the oxidized Orient

Onyx-eyed Odalisques
and ornithologists
observe
the flight
of Eros obsolete

And “Immortality”
mildews ...
in the museums of the moon

“Nocturnal cyclops”
“Crystal concubine”

Pocked with personification
the fossil virgin of the skies
waxes and wanes
…….

Ill contemplate your review
Best Z ;)

author comment

zebra

Tue, 2019-03-19 04:03

zebra's picture

Haahaahaa Well thats sexual deprivation for you :)

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2019-03-19 15:00

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they abstained from sex, then you have a hole in your theory! They might have been supposed to, but we know that there are many that are supposed to... Priests, nuns, etc.. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

zebra

Tue, 2019-03-19 15:43

zebra's picture

Your so right; yet they hated themselves for it so they did it like vagrants in alleys fearing the ham-fisted wrath of the almighty and the sentence to hell. Perhaps there is a deprivation in that attitude and the culture it creates especially to one who thinks that sex is sacred.
Unfortunately sacred from them; not sacred to them
All those tragic intimidated little boys and girls who grow up terrified and persuaded they are going to hell for touching themselves never mind each other

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2019-03-20 18:01

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Amen!!!

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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