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Zodiac Carousel
the stars quiver
brain a husk of puddled amyloid plaque
like grey powder edge
blossoming a slow disaster
from dizzied star chandlers
voice winged souls harmonize
in a citadel of nothing
the revelation of no - thing
at all
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
zebra
Sun, 2019-03-10 04:45
Welcome welcome welcome to
Welcome welcome welcome to Neopoet !!!
Thank you for your thoughtful and very kind comments ...very appreciated ;)
I hope you enjoy posting and find value and pleasure in your interactions with our menagerie here
Warm Regards Z
lovedly
Sun, 2019-03-10 12:29
The Zodiac
is much more than what a normal eye can see
It has SCIENTIFIC meaning
some day you will see
when Lovedly reveals
you have your own vision undoubtedly
that's why you have stopped reading me
do as you so please
ny rgds won't cease
zebra
Sun, 2019-03-17 04:32
Im gun shy ;)
Im gun shy ;)
Geezer
Sun, 2019-03-10 16:39
Suffice to say...
there are people here, that will take your words to heart and love you like the lost brother you are! I get it! Where to find peace? ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
zebra
Sun, 2019-03-17 04:31
Thank you my dear brother for
Thank you my dear brother for that!!!!!!!
weirdelf
Sun, 2019-03-17 00:58
"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness,
starving hysterical naked"
Yeah, dig it, man.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
zebra
Sun, 2019-03-17 04:30
Yes Ginsburg I know it well
Yes Ginsburg I know it well
Our 60s generation It was a brilliant time and I always felt Allan was its spear head
Damn why didn't I think of those lines ;)