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Face Time... March Contest

My heart still skips a beat
whenever our lips meet
No other thrill so sweet
Like some exotic treat

Your face to mine and mine to yours
I always feel the thrill
My heart still skips a beat, my love
I think it always will

So kiss me hard, kiss me long
Kisssss me time again
I love when our lips are meeting
It doesn't matter when

I taste your soul, I love you more
I'll always want your kiss
No matter what the time is, love
I'll never want to miss

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

"do meet" you use this twice and both times they do sound forced. In line @ you could say something like "whenever your and my lips meet" to take care of it.In stanza 3 line 3 something like"every time that our lips meet". All that aside I like this examination of kissing lol. Now to go find Susan and practice what you preach ....................................stan

of your suggestions! Thanks for the crit. I try to "practice" every day; I know they say practice makes perfect, but I still think I can get better. ~ Gee.
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author comment

It has all the best quality of lyrics and would be great with music. Give it to tony Bennett!
As a poem it suffers the same things as most good lyric. It’s obvious, catchy, sentimental, and about romantic love. What are 95% of love songs about? This is a great song.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

for love poems or songs, but I do love kissing my wife. Is Tony Bennet still alive? I thought he died a few years back. Thanks for the comment. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

At 92 still singing and painting pictures.
I agree with Paul McCartney : “ silly love songs/what’s wrong with that/I’d like to know... “ I think from the wings album

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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