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Love? (March Contest)

Love is everyday
Don’t dress it up
Don’t make it special
Love is there
Its not elusive
Or once in a lifetime
It is here and now
Surrounding everything
Seeping into the corners
With the dust and crumbs

Love is matter
It is flesh and blood
It is my dog
Looking through the back door
Smelling the bacon
Sizzling in the pan
Its not a ring
Or words spoken on a special day
It is sitting on the back step
Watching the magpie eat the crusts
It is ever present
Don’t miss it
Waiting for an introduction

Love is unison
Just that
Laughing at the same time
No words needed
It is that hand extended
Metaphoric or real
Lifting you
Pulling you up
That is what love is
To me

Editing stage: 


..and thank you so much for that. So interesting to hear about your experience with watching people wait for love to show up, not realising its there already kinda thing! I think its very common in life and I totally agree with you regarding what your man fell in love with, being your own woman - it beats all!!! Thank you so much for your comments.



author comment

a great take on love! I'm thinking that I have heard this theory before, but never put so simply and cleanly. Nice job of listing "ordinary" things that make up what we call love. As I am a dog lover, I appreciated the scene of your dog, looking through the back door, smelling the bacon.
Now, to the things I thought might improve the flow of this poem. I would integrate the first two lines of the second stanza. The line: "Love is matter", sounds a little mechanical. I would do like so: Love is flesh and blood, that way, it transfers to love for your dog that is sitting outside looking in at the smell of bacon. Adding [screen] to the door makes for a better scene, [who doesn't have an image of a screen-door in their head?] Lastly, I would start the third stanza, with combining a couple lines.
Love is us
It is us laughing
In unison

As always, critique and comments are meant to help. You may use, discard them or invent your own ideas to make your poems better. ~ Geezer.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

Thank you for your comments, I agree that screen door paints a more recognisable picture, and actually you are right, it is on the screen door that he rests his snout, pushing it up against the mesh to inhale as much of the scent as he can!!! I live in Australia so of course we have screen doors, but I am English, so screen doors aren't really a thing, or not when I was living there so I guess my roots came in with that scene!! Thank you for suggesting this, its a defo change because it feels right to me.

The 'love is matter' line, it was indeed to link with my dog, and I didn't want it to sound mechanical, but just matter of fact, the bare bones, even more basic than saying 'flesh and blood' because I suppose that is what I am trying to say in the poem, that love is a basic, or can be.

I really do appreciate all your critiques as I have never done this 'poem showing' before and I am amazed at how someone else's views can really fire your brain to go in different directions, so thank you!!


Lindsay :)

author comment

think that you can do better than "love is matter", but... as you will. Maybe just saying "love is basic". Glad I was able to help in any fashion. This is a great way to find out what your readers think of what you have written and help "fire your brain". I always say, that any critique or comments are only meant to help the author, make decisions about what they have written, so that they reach the reader in the way that is intended. Even a little back and forth from author to reader, can help the reader understand what the intent of the poem is. Sometimes, I find that I have really misunderstood the poem and get schooled! Anytime, ~ Geezer.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

I do believe you & I are kindred, if you look at my March Contest entry a few days ago, it's saying similar things, I think maybe yours has a lightness mine lacks though, & thus it is smile provoking. & a good perspective for me.
I love these lines:

Seeping into the corners
With the dust and crumbs


My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

'nuff said

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