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Damaged
What makes my life so tragic?
That I want to die
And like magic
I become
Healed
Made of Stone
Cascaded in pain
Looking for love
I am damaged
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
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Comments
swamp-witch
Thu, 2019-02-14 22:42
Hello Blaqueman
I don't believe we've met, so if I missed your arrival here on site, let me give you a belated welcome to Neopoet!
As someone who has dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 13 (I am now 26), I think the true tragedy is acting on those death wishes. Continuing to live despite that horrible voice in our heads is incredibly and immeasurably brave. Writing it out, to tell others that you've been there too, so that they know they aren't alone, just as brave.
Because you did mark on your review requests that you are comfortable with the raw truth and because you selected this possible feedback question: "Is the internal logic consistent?", I will suggest that for me, the logic seems to jump on the lines:
Healed
Made of Stone
Cascaded in pain
Are you healed because you are now solid as stone? And if you are healed, and you are stone, why are you still cascaded in pain? It may be that I am misinterpreting these lines, or that a few more words of explanation would make these ideas more clear/logical. Either way, I hope you don't mind the critique and I hope you'll let me know your thoughts.
Take care,
Kelsey
Critique, don't comment.
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