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BRAZENED TRUTH

(The brazened truth is like awakening of Buddha
when enlightenment came his way
Tonight it came my way
the awareness comes from within)

Brazened Truth

dream not of me
dream not of me
in the evening of darkness
as I step into the forest of unknown shadows
as I step inside
don't follow me
ere the shadows envelop thee

and as in the stars and a moonlit night
the shadows lengthen
let darkness see its end
move on into the inner stretches unknown
in the eerie night the sounds of wild

shake me not in fear
of who is what
as the walk of loneliness
I pursue
into the early morning too

as sun rays play hide and seek
with the rustling leaves

stay far behind
lest in the shadows still long enough
you fall into the brazened darkness
as the sun winds its way through
from darkness to light
my life does also ensue

and I emerge as enlightened
still (erect)* as a sacred (bamboo)**

* ** need replacement any help will do neos

Amen

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I barely still get what the motives are, what you aimed to achieve in this poem or what message you are putting through. I think you should always consider the audience while penning. If the story-line is lacking it becomes a conscious poem and we barely understand other people's state of mind. I think this was a state of mind and a warning not to delve into your ill mind lest we get drowned in the vast unknown only understood by you.

I love the images, your choices of words were cool, but I still feel the story was lacking...

Hommies

well judged
each poet has to evolve himself
and understand a poem in his /one's own way
you have expressed well after a second read and knowing about
LORD BUDDHA you will find a newer imagination of this very poem
you are young and of the latest generation we are old outgoing with our ancient vision
Dear DH

author comment

It is often attempted and certainly hard to pull of the sense of a divine state or a mystical dream.
I'm not sure the poem needs a narrative. But for the sake of poetry when attempting such a work I would try to avoid cliche images often associated with the zen moment, like the darkness and light...maybe something more personal.

Keep the meter: "you fall into the brazened darkness of ignorance" . I would cut "of ignorance" because brazened darkness says enough, and the added syllables are unnecessary.

"and I emerge as the enlightened one
still erect as a sacred bamboo"

I think perhaps you feel enlightened, not the (THE) enlightened one, you are the mystic who has transcended. The last image is also for me a distraction.. I'm unfamiliar with sacred bamboo, and if I am most others will be, even if it is so called somewhere. And erect is just to phallic.

But I do appreciate the attempt and sentiment.. Just the need to write it still connects you to the world, to the relationship you wish to share between you and others, which is outside of the purist
union between men and the divine energy. A poet first, a mystic second.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Eumol Sir
This poem I composed in the thickest of BAMBOO forests
in the far EAST (VIETNAM) Years ago
As I was clearing my poetic archives I came across this, which was liked by at least 1130 poets. So I shared it here
Bamboo is just a straight pole
may be erect 'phallic'' as you say
But will think of how to it replace it
as also stan does say
let me think (wink)

author comment

I have no idea what an enlightened bamboo is but I really like the rest of this

Did you re read my amended one

any suggestions
hands up scribbler
lol

A VERY HAPPY VALENTINE ......to all neos

author comment

Yes bamboo is sacred.
If you become hollow and empty through meditation
like the hollow bamboo
you will be enlightened

Bamboo stands for music
emptiness
Bamboo stands for our inner body too.

As Rabindranath Tagore Poet Laureate, said in Song offering No 1...
This little flute of a reed
thou hast carried over hills and dales
and hast breathed through it
melodies eternally new

Hence sufficient justification for
SACRED BAMBOO

author comment
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