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Grumpy Old Man (February Contest)

It looks to them that nothing is wrong
That’s what they say to me, each day long
Do I hate them for their lack of feeling?
Or shall I limp away to stop the tingling.

I know why I sit very still in my chair
It looks to them, that nothing is wrong
It stops the pain if I just rest, and do not move
What do they know when I sleep and snore.

Sleep is a blessing it stops things, nothing more.
Even dreams of being young don’t even the score
It looks to them that nothing is wrong.
The reaper beckons he knows I am sore.

I told her in doors of some of my pain
She said “I feel it more, yours is not the same”
Damn is there no-one out there this pain to tame
It looks to them that nothing is wrong

I move away from verse so true, to tell my story
Of from morning's light to evening's glow
It is a fight of pain, but on we must go,
I should have been an actor you know.

I turn to grimace at my first task of the day.
Socks to put on and I have to bend just so
Catch my feet, on the socks go, Oh! The pain!
Then to put on pants without getting up.

Sometimes in my shirt, or whatever I get stuck.
Now up I am and off we go to wash away the night
Damn I now have to sit again to have a shite.
But the seat is a refreshing cool item for me.

Teeth out in a pot they go, with tablet and hot water so
They will be there for three minutes or more
It depends on how much I wash and dry for sure
Then I have to clean the real ones left inside.

When I was young they were my pride and joy
Smile at the girls and make them cry.
Now woe is me they have gone astray
Only twelve left and I count them each day

Ablutions done and into our office room I go.
To talk to the world and let them know
That I am fine and quite well and hope they are to.
Never would I say that I was in a right stew.

I play the keys and lie to all, as the time has passed me by
Next month I say, I will be Seventy Seven on my birthday
The number looks like two walking sticks “77” what a fix.
I will muddle on to see the rest of the day TV calls again

Same old, same old nothing changes, want to hear more.
Bloody dog is going mad there’s someone at the door.
Press the wrong button on my chair legs fly up in the air
Damn post with circulars that mean nothing to me

The day as usual drags on, it seems that time is flying
It won’t be long before a sandwich snack comes to me
Damn bottom teeth into my pocket with stray
They will mix with the food if they had their way.

The afternoon drags its strength from my eyes,
They sag and close into sleep before I realise
I awake and wonder where I am, the TV lies
It is time for tea my programme is gone you see.

I cannot stay awake to tell you more,
Just know that the wife says I just sleep and snore
This is the answer that’s for sure.
“Who Me”?????

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Just fun lol xx
Editing stage: 

Comments

Being a grumpy old man the title drew me in lol.Let's see...Stanza 3 line 4. typo Knows.Stanza 5 line 2 typos Morning's evening's. I enjoyed this preview of what is coming quickly to Me lol......stan

The tittle got me. I thought the contest stated free verse? How come there is a meter and a rhyme scheme?

Hommies

As I said half way through that I would move away from poetry true..
I move away from verse so true, to tell my story.

I may rewrite it if there is a problem but if you say it has meter and form then I will send a message to Jess he will be so pleased that I have dared write something resembling a proper poem .
I shall wait for a while to see what happens ,
Thanks for your visit, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Definitely got the story very easily & had a wee chuckle in the process (somehow if we can chuckle at ourselves, or any similarity we perceive in another, it seems to make our challenges a little more bearable, don't you think). That common silly thing we do when we keep our own suffering to ourselves, but long to feel there is some-one out there that can fully relate (ME! I relate - bit different, but I have invisible illness & for the last 10 years I have hardly let anyone know & become quite reclusive)... but not to reduce your experience... You have a great job in expressing & eliciting empathy, rather than sympathy.

If I may I would offer only small changes... such as keeping the rhyming couplets consistent... it seems you have mostly rhymed the middle lines, but it threw me just a tad when this was missing/changed.... Could I offer humbly these options?:

Shall I limp away to stop the judgement
It looks to them that nothing is wrong
That’s what they say to me, each day long
Do I hate them for their lack of feeling?

I know why I sit very still in my chair
It looks to them, that nothing is wrong
the pain is eased, if I do not move on
What do they know when I sleep and snore.

It looks to them that nothing is wrong
Sleep is a blessing, a rest, nothing more.
Even dreams of being young don’t even the score
The reaper beckons he knows I am sore.

I told her in doors of some of my pain
She said “I feel it more, yours is not the same”
Damn is there no-one out there this pain to tame
It looks to them that nothing is wrong

I move away from verse so true, to tell my story
Of from morning's light to evening's glow
It is a fight of pain, but on we must go,
I should have been an actor you know.

I turn to grimace at my first task of the day.
Socks to put on I must have to bend in this way
Catch my feet, on the socks go, Oh! The pain!
Then to put on pants without getting up.

Sometimes I get stuck in my shirt, or whatever
Up & off off we go to wash away the night
Damn I now have to sit again to shite.
But the seat is a refreshing cool item for me.

Teeth out in a pot they go, with tablet and hot water so
They will be there for three minutes or more
depending how much I wash and dry for sure
Then I have to clean the real ones left inside.

When I was young they were my pride and joy
Smile at the girls and make them cry.
Now woe is me they have gone by & by
Only twelve left and I count them each day

Ablutions done to our office room I go.
To talk to the world and let them know
That I'm fine and quite well and hope they are too.
Never would I say that I was in a right stew.

I play the keys and lie to all, as the time has passed me by
Next month I say, I will be Seventy Seven on my birthday
The number looks like two walking sticks “77” what a fix.
I will muddle on to see the rest of the day ...TV calls again

Same old, same old nothing changes, want to hear more.
Bloody dog is going mad there’s someone at the door.
Press the wrong button on my chair legs fly up in the air
Damn post with circulars that mean nothing to me there

The usual day drags on, it seems that time is flying
Before long a sandwich snack comes to me where I'm lying
Damn bottom teeth into my pocket with stray
They will mix with the food if they had their way.

The afternoon drags its strength from my eyes,
They droop into sleep before I realise
I awake and wonder where I might be
It is time for tea, missed my programme you see.

I cannot stay awake to tell you more,
Just know that the wife says I just sleep and snore
This is the answer that’s for sure.
“Who Me”?????

I left some of the rhythm changes, there are a few mixes you have included... anyway, see if that sounds ok to your ears & heart, if it doesn't ring true, just ignore, poems are our babies & I may not have embedded the right soul into the changes.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

Thank you for your visit, The Feb comp said that the poem was to be in free verse but I put a few rhymes in the first part and then became absent minded and being old lost concentration lol..
I usually take the second place in these things as the second place prize is much better lol.. Take care and once again many thanks for your visit, Yours Ian x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

There is good company in both those positions.

Good to meet you via words.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

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