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IT WAS A DREAM

Eleven virgins grind on my cork,
Twenty-one fat asses twerk and rock.
Something moist and warm above
Helpless in tits held captive
Suddenly, a debtors life hears knock!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

that the word "cork" is a typo! The next two lines just beg to be rhymed, why didn't they?
How could you leave those words just hanging out there? Come on, [above and captive]? Not much choice of the words to use as rhymers, but so many ways to use them. "Suddenly a debtor's life hears a knock? Where did thought come from? So out of place! Come on, you are soooo much better than that! Do us both a favor and rework this. ~ Geezer.
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