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The Wanderer
In an old coat with dishevelled hair
He ran across the road
On his shoulder he carried a bag with all he had
He had no money of his own
He wandered from town to town
In search of food
The wanderer
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Dear Neopoets
do you like my poem? Send me your comments. You can contact me at my email address
[email protected]
Eulekia
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2019-01-24 09:55
Welcome to Neopoet...
You have a good narrative started, continue the story by adding to it with reasons for his being homeless and wandering, maybe you could say that he wandered looking for food for his soul?
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Eulekia
Tue, 2019-01-29 07:10
The Wanderer
Dear Geezer
thank you for your comment. Also your addition to my poem.
Eulekia
ami
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2019-01-28 17:10
I can see that the poem itself is the point
but perhaps if not in a workshop environment I might not have thought so hard about it.
Yes, I think it needs just a little extra hook, something that throws a mirror in there and gets us to think about the way we judge and value people, our own lives of quiet, materialistic desperation. It wouldn't take much.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eulekia
Tue, 2019-01-29 07:13
The Wanderer
Dear Jess
thank you for your comment. I will be sending in more of my poems.
Eulekia
ami
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2019-01-29 08:42
Eulekia, I sense you are unhappy with the feedback.
We need to know more of what you want then.
You say "I love poetry and would like to share my poetry with other people" but to share it with others they will have to want to read it.
Which poets inspired you? Who do you read? I advise you to stop asking for feedback to your email address. Feedback often becomes an interesting dialogue which that prevents.
Actually I just glanced through the feedback you've given to others and you are definitely isolating yourself and not receiving the full benefits of this community by asking for email feedback.
You know this is a free site, although the benefits of Premium Membership are available but my point is that no-one is being paid to help you. We want to to help you but to do that we need to know you and what you want.
So stop isolating yourself, be a bit more open in what you want. I know it is hard to believe but we don't want to mould, change or shape you, just help you find the best poet you can be. So help us to help you. ok?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eulekia
Mon, 2019-02-18 06:46
The Wanderer
Dear Jess
I am not unhappy with your feed back.What more do you want to know about me?
I love poetry, working for charity and would like to be a good poet. Your comments
will help me achieve this.
Eulekia
ami
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