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sharpest teeth bite from behind (contest to change perception)

these bees will always scheme
lilting their little lilly lies
labors to favors of the field
A song they still sing

The flowers forever meddling
each and over all together
all reaching over each other
dancing until the next dance

she, a siren blooming, nestled soft
giggles in cherubs chancely glees
mmmm.....
a paradise ripe for picking

we grope grasping at the grains of days
that swish the hourglasses infinite whisper
shhhhhh...
this now Stays Now
our moment forever defutured
newfound and forming
from fantasys' firmed fancies

hand in hand we hold off
hordes of relentless nexts
with pure pugilistic intention
denying them what we all know

seconds stretched and stalled
snapped
soonly swept away
in shattered sighs

hmmmph...
our paradise plucked

Helios, how his head hung so low
bashfully embarrassed
shuffling back beyond that horizon
casting the day down to rest in peace
with all her forgotten sisters
the infinite never-mores

i forfeited him every last week
and every days' yesters i'd had
i offered my many tomorrows
and begged to keep just this today
shhhh...

he sunk sneaking one last peek
assured the day did sleep
and winked us a tearful goodnight

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

This is remarkable work, especially in terms of the contest, maybe they feed your serious side of spirit?

I agree with Mark, it could do with a little edit and tidying up.
Do you want specific suggestions?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

In my old age I can't remember Who this reminds me of but it Does strike a familiar bell. I like the use of bees and flowers . Good luck in contest

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