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Gumption

Submitted by raj on Sun, 2019-01-06 04:47

The cap is the same
i wore growing into manhood.
It's faded over time
like my hair
but has the gait and gumption
of youth and maturity
which helped me scale mountains
skid on the slopes
and now trudge on the dotted line
to a vantage point
where I blink at the Sun
with shaded eyes
holding onto my cap
not letting it blow away
by winds of time.

It now has a companion
a stick
to walk rest of the miles
with my thoughts
into mysterious tomorrows.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eulekia

Mon, 2019-01-07 06:37

I like your poem. I like the theme. Send more of your poems.

ami

raj

Mon, 2019-01-07 13:43

for taking time to read ...good to know you liked this...
.............................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2019-01-07 23:15

weirdelf's picture
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the imagery is so dense here it is inseparable from meaning.
Which is one of the highest compliments I can give.

I very much look forward to reading this work again and again and again.

But I don't like the title. It is trite. Perhaps something a bit more esoteric?
Or maybe that is your point.

Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

raj

Tue, 2019-01-08 13:33

it's a great privilege when you visit my page and more so to read your encouraging / appreciative comment.....I will certainly look to work on the title which to me too looks very straightforward...

thanks and regards..
...........................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

raj

Fri, 2019-01-11 13:10

Let me know if the change in title is better...
.............................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

weirdelf

Sun, 2019-01-13 08:39

weirdelf's picture
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much better.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Eumolpus

Fri, 2019-01-11 20:00

Eumolpus's picture

If you're old like me (like 70), not very old (that's like 90), you certainly will get the poem. Lately I have needed a cane, but I get a new knee in 2 days so I hope I can do away with it in a month or two. Walking around with a cane... hey you want to feel old, that's a good way to start.
I agree with Jess on the title. The poem reads nicely and I really like the last stanza.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

scribbler

Wed, 2019-01-16 20:04

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That 3rd and 4th line personification is really good and set the mood for the rest of the poem. For a teenager (lol) you capture the essence of aging well......stan

raj

Tue, 2020-07-07 12:32

sorry for responding late....thanks for your comment...gosh me and teenager!!...lol..

be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

raj

Tue, 2020-07-07 12:30

Thanks for taking time to read and for your encouraging comment...

be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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