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Walking the Plank
I stand here
Naked
wriggling, slightly
in the song of
your scrutiny
and
suddenly
there's glorious
mutiny
inside of me
I begin
to believe
I Am Beauty
Last few words:
think this one might need some work, for one, I'm unsure of the title. any suggestions gratefully recieved :) xxx
Editing stage:
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Comments
faerybeki
Fri, 2011-02-04 18:57
HI Rosina :) 'Passionate
HI Rosina :) 'Passionate Exposure' eh? interesting alternative title.. I think 'Walking the Plank' has grown on me slightly, I like it's ambiguity :) So happy you enjoyed the poem and you're so right, Love indeed conquers all :) much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
author commentRoscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-02-04 17:37
I keep,
I keep thinking that wriggling slightly does not work, then i read it again and i think it does. When i think it works it's perfect, so probably that's why it's so good. Great poem i hope i've made myself clear. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
faerybeki
Fri, 2011-02-04 19:02
crystal :) I thought a lot,
crystal :) I thought a lot, well a bit, over that line myself, guess it's a wriggly one :) it's very me but perhaps not very poetic, if that makes sense? So happy you liked the poem and it wriggled enough to warrant another read :) much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
author commentfaerybeki
Fri, 2011-02-04 19:05
Lovely Shirl, thank you :) I
Lovely Shirl, thank you :) I believe a lot more than I used to. As I said above the title has grown on me, it seemed a rather whimsical choice at the time, but I too like it's ambiguity and it feels right with mutiny too. Loving your hat btw :) much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
author commentRace_9togo
Fri, 2011-02-04 22:20
Beki
I would have used trembling instead of wriggling. Trembling has a connotation of doubt, anticipation and implied fear to it, that I think would go well with this piece.
I like the ending very very much.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
faerybeki
Sat, 2011-02-05 05:55
Hi Jim, always good to see
Hi Jim, always good to see you :) thank you for your suggestion, good to think a bit more on that line and consider what I was trying to convey :) I think I was hoping to get across a feeling of self concious awkwardness rather than fear or doubt, does wriggling work at doing that do you think? Glad you like the ending, tis a wonderful place to have arrived :) much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
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