Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

SUCCESS

The snow on these sentinel trees
melts slowly then drops to below
though tonight it will all refreeze
when the frigid north winds blow.

One drop well aimed goes down my neck
as I slowly walk through winter woods
listening to woodpecker's peck
where a long pine's shadow broods.

White barely blankets duffy ground
yet it muffles each foot fall
so almost silent I make my round
while up ahead jays fuss and call.

On hearing them I freeze and look
toward a cedar thicket growing near
just across a murmuring brook.
It might be they're scolding a deer.

Then I see a flick of white
which studied becomes a tail.
Like magic a small buck comes in sight
following a dim game trail.

I raise my gun, crosshairs on shoulder,
watch his head rise scenting air
there where deep cedar needles moulder.
He's tracking a doe over there.

He quickly steps from tree to tree
then suddenly he's gone from sight.
I lower rifle and flex knees
as day slowly approaches night.

I smile, deciding hunt's at end
then turn my big feet back to home.
Not every deer I see I send
to final rest on forest's loam.

The fact I'd seen a deer at all
makes this day's hunt a memory
which years from now I can recall
like so many things the woods show me.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Interesting poem, it makes me feel
I was there with you.
One little thing, perhaps not important, but was distracting

flex knees
as day slowly approaches night.

Sounds like the knees flexing is a long process coinciding with sun set.

Maybe you want to use "because the night is approaching"?

IRiz

When one is still recovering from double knee replacement flexing them Can take a while lol.Always glad to have you walk along. Who knows maybe you will be down this way sometime and you will be welcome to visit Susan and I.........stan

author comment

Sounds exciting!

IRiz

a pleasure read Stan as often is
.........................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

And as so often I'm pleased you enjoyed this lol

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.