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Same Blood
same blood
different bodies
same air
different lungs
same truth
violent contradictions
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2018-12-06 15:17
Hello zebra
First time to meet so let me welcome you.
A succinct eloquent writing.
I however would modify the title as "Same and yet different"
Just my humble opinion.
Thank you for sharing!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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zebra
Thu, 2018-12-06 17:37
Hi Rula
Really great to meet you and thanks for taking the time to read my poem
I shall contemplate your suggestion
;)
Eumolpus
Thu, 2018-12-06 17:25
nice short poem
I might suggest "same blood type" as opposed to same blood, which makes it sound like what it suggests, sharing the same blood like in transfusion.
But in a short work like this you have said a lot. Truth is truth, we share the same truths, but we sure don't interpret them the same!
Well conceived!
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
zebra
Fri, 2018-12-07 07:44
Thanks for your comment and
Thanks for your comment and compliment Mark …..Very appreciated
Same blood evoked family i.e. family of man; all of us human ;)
IRiz
Fri, 2018-12-07 08:01
Ha!
Ha!
You wrote another great poem.
You achiving here a tone that makes your reader feel that you talk directly to him/her.
That goes to Instagram post when I am back to my desktop.
IRiz
zebra
Fri, 2018-12-07 10:43
Thank you very very ;)
Thank you very very ;)