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I Walk as an Image
Re-REVISED VERSION COURTESY STAN LEADER and Mark of Neopoet
I Walk as an Image
on the surface of the ocean
as did the Lord once
but
I am just an imagery
of a candle light
burnt by the Sun
cooled by the Moon
all day and night
all glare at me walking
but none wants to speak
a ghost am I
or just an illusion
can anyone knowledgeable
tell me
I beseech
I continue strolling on the surf
just across the beach
within your reach
come some one rescue me
if you want to read
more poetry of Neo's
Lovedly
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2018-11-28 19:49
Hi Loved
I have become lazy now that I can copy and paste lol. So I'll just post your poem with a few changes and let you decide if you like them or not.
I Walk as an Image
at the surface of the ocean
as did the Lord once
but
I am a mere image
of candle light
burnt by the Sun
cooled by the Moon
all day into the night
all see me walking
but none speak with me
a ghost am I
perhaps just an illusion
can anyone knowledgeable
tell me
I beseech
I continue
strolling on the surf
just across the beach
within your reach
come someone rescue me
if you want to read
more of Loverme's
poetry
lovedly
Wed, 2018-11-28 23:24
thank you stan
after a long time you have come
o man
shall amend after some more read it
And of course all with you shall agree
So I will change it
thanks rgds
loverme
raj
Thu, 2018-11-29 04:13
Hi Lovedly
I was drawn by the title of the poem and liked the first stanza which is a poem by itself...
..................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Thu, 2018-11-29 11:34
Thanks Raj
so nice of you
kindness urs
lovedly
Sun, 2018-12-02 09:58
Thanks Mark and Stan
Is it any better now
or you'd like to replace
'' glare'' also
lovedly
Sun, 2018-12-02 10:14
just a word makes all the difference
just a word makes all the difference
but one ought to know which word
lol