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Sailing

Submitted by chevyvent on Thu, 2017-10-26 19:02

the call for peace swept beneath my feet
fantasy is the best of me & I'm sailing
set out on your trip out on the barren sea
birds over head flock to the duration of your ride
you see painted faces in the sky
visions of twilight the moments you dreamed of kings and queens
shaped through the very fabric of the figment of your imagination
soon I will be free from all of the whole host of mockery
you squeeze your lovers hand as you skirt out to the vast expanse

breathless
in your thoughts of twilight
escape through the breeze as a mist
we can meet at such a place
let your heart permeate a good reason of belonging
a chance at a following through
times of warm embrace shootinf from outer space
love is the essence of our inner existence learn to shun its resistance
sailing in the warm charted course
no sense of remorse
love

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Fri, 2017-10-27 14:03

Eumolpus's picture

I have sailed often enough, and you have nicely captured it. A very hard feeling to capture without being cliche or zenny (ie to do with Zen). (gotta typo- "shooting" ) Congrats on this fine work.

I have to tell you I tried in vain again last week with John Ashbury-a favorite of yours. I found "the stars we shinning" I hated, hated it. You are a much better poet that he is. He was so phony, so abstract, so pretentious...You gotta tell me what I'm missing. Tell me a few poems you like.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

chevyvent

Fri, 2017-10-27 18:35

chevyvent's picture

Louise Gluck & Major Jackson excellent in variety with their poetry that I both admire and respect.
I agree Ashbury had a different approach to his writings no doubt.

Mario Vitale

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Fri, 2017-10-27 20:52

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

A lovely poem. It flows well and leaves a calming, peaceful feeling. Almost makes you feel like you are floating along with the writer.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Marvel Godwyn

Sat, 2017-10-28 14:32

Marvel Godwyn's picture

I so much cherish this line "love is the essence of our inner existence... " thanks for sharing, Chevyvent. I enjoyed my reading this piece.

IRiz

Sun, 2018-11-18 14:31

IRiz's picture
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did you mean "painted faces in the sky"
or "faces painted in the sky"?

lover's hand?

nice line "escape through the breeze as a mist"

shootinf typo?

Sailing with you, Irene

IRiz

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