Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
A GAZE TO THE UNSEEN
Once upon a time
Letting all align
Getting through a line
Pulling hard the twine
Every thought on mind
Gazing through the hind
All along like blind
Only get behind
To be seen ahead
Blindly set forget
Getting rid to set
Never met at then
Peeping through the side
Looking all of kind
Slowly walk remind
At last set aside
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2018-02-02 11:50
Before I comment, Olaniyi,
ask yourself why this poem has received no feedback for 1 month 2 weeks.
I can offer two reasons. On your profile you don't talk about yourself, you self-aggrandise. Write your profile about yourself, not like a self-promoting CV.
Most importantly you have given no feedback to anyone else. This is a community where we help each other. You need to give to receive.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Olaniyi Beloved...
Thu, 2018-11-15 07:54
Appreciation
Thanks a bunch...Will apply...
OLANIYI BELOVED ABIMBOLA
belovedabim
weirdelf
Thu, 2018-11-15 08:17
eeww,
especially writing your profile in the third person is inappropriate. Here we a colleagues, peers and friends, sometimes even family, not self-promoters.
The poem has depths I can't fathom at first reading. It is well crafted. I will come back to it. ok?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Thu, 2018-11-15 08:19
I do like
"He is persistent and uncompromising in his pursuit for spreading wide morals, values and the beauty of nature."
Yes, kindness is the highest moral value.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry