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Graceful Fall From Grace

Its cold sitting at McDonald
my fingers are chilled to the bone
my hot breath soothes the freeze
in my bony fingers.

A great fall, I experienced
to the floor, slippery wet, down I went
my hand, wrist, up to my shoulder
still hurt a little.

I laid on the wet floor for a moment
this filled restaurant, blank stares got me annoyed
I'm feeling crazy, gathering my senses
they help me up off the floor.

no one offered me assistance
no apology for my embarrassment
no one offered anything for my plight
not even an incident report for my fall.

I did the survey on my receipt
I gave feedback for my dissatisfied service
I accepted a call from corporate
manager on duty offered nothing for my humiliation.

As it would, manager on duty stood back
he did not get uninvolved with my fall
they stared then went about their jobs
corporate called, now he came to see about me.

As it would be, he ask "did you email our company"
I responded "yes"
He said "they'll be calling you"
I responded "I know"

Corporate did call
I expressed my disappointment
she expressed her genuine apology
unlike manager on this shift.

duty manger was forced to take a report
now I'm good
I'm feeling like a valuable customer
deserving of good service.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
on the spot poetic experienced
Editing stage: 

Comments

Last line needs attention, as no doubt you did if this was your experience of a fall. If so hope your ok . Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

The last line doesn't fit the flow of the poem but it do in my mind. I'll reword it because it actually doesn't

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

Yeah I thought Mcdonalds needed a S but wasn't certain. I will make the change.

As for your, poor help over the barrel, I agree 100 percent. But I'm just not for the negative energy from cashier, mangers cooks whatever when I walk up to the counter. Not knowing what's on the menu and the sub standard service in comparison to the kiss butt service they give to some there came to end for me yesterday.

I could have stay laid on the floor, had them call an ambulance, call my lawyer and sue Mcdonalds like some would've done. I am getting a gift certificate, I got an apology for my fall, and empathy for my feeling, which I didn't get from a single sole, in that restaurant. And I'm good that. I just wanted to feel like somebody genuinely cared about my embarrassment.

I've never sued anyone although I could have many times. I have although gotten people fired from their jobs over the years for gross disrespect. I've fallen in Hawaii in 2015 and I was unconscious for a few moment but didn't consider hospital or suing. Bc they were so nice. I fell on cruise ship bc nobody listen when I told them I couldn't stand anymore. Everybody with me assumed I wanted special attention. MS condition wasn't diagnoisis at the time. I didn't sue bc it's just not what I do.

With Mcdonalds I called company to teach them a lesson about treating me and others like me as if are unimportant because they can. I made managers look ok. I didn't try to get anybody fired. I'm just not letting this behavior go anymore. I've done it for 24 years trying to be a good little Christian. Now instead time to be myself take it or leave it.

I pay my money. I don't expect special treatment only the standard service. Their bad day is their bad day not mine. I'm an empath and try to share my positivity with people but when they're not feeling it I retreat and let them keep the energy they chose.

Glad you share the reason behind low paid workers. It's just sad.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

Firstly I'm surprised..whenever I stumble, or see someone fall anywhere, of any age or race, there is usually a whole group of people that come to help, ask if all's ok and all the rest...this is just normal behavior I would think. Even in a place filled with Trump supporters, I would expect this common kindness.
My feeling about the poem is it needs something. It is a narrative, it goes from point a-b like a short story. You are disgusted with the response from the staff...let it out with passion, charge up some words and images to express it. You are saying something about a society in which people don't react to a woman falling on a wet floor. Reminds me once I was in a subway station on 59th st in NYC at rush hour and there was a dead homeless person on the steps. No one noticed, I called a cop over, and sure enough, he was dead. That was weird.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

You hit the nail on the head. It is the response that got me. its like people have no natural human responses that use to be the norm when I was growing up.
I will try to make it more passionate and charged. Any ideas on key words I could use.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

but I think the poem is looking for a universal here, a way of connecting this incident to the larger story...that people around you stayed on their cell phones, continued dipping their fresh fries in the ketchup and looking like grazing cows. The almost surreal fact you fell and the whole restaurant just ignored it is a commentary on our current society.
There are so many ways of subtly connecting it; you feel like a refugee in your own country, that you couldn't tell if the apology was given by a computer voice or a person, that once you felt if you fell people would come to aid you, but now you feel you're on your own... I wonder how Billy Collins would have treated it... probably with a huge irony of some type to give the event a larger stage.
Just thinking aloud. The poem seemed a little journalistic, a report of events, and it needs a personal touch. Rather than "I expressed my disappointment', go for it.
"If I was bleeding on the floor would someone have even come to mop it up?"
"Do you only hire zombies" "If I broke my leg would I get a free soda?"

Was any of it possibly a question of racism. In today's world, that's always a consideration, based on our racist in charge, anything is possible. Certainly, civility is in question everywhere.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I’ll work on it.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

I've had a few falls , usually in the solitude of some forest. The funny thing is that Everybody, the first thing they do after falling is look around embarrassed in case somebody saw them fall even when they're obviously alone lol. But I'm pleased your fall left you with no broken bones. and there is No excuse for SOMEBODy whether employee or customer not coming to help......stan

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