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Passport Smiles
Like a city on a hill
We can practice fortified free will
We can trade our caves for scenery
Our desert hearts for miles of greenery
Like dolphins in the dusk
We can shed our self-effacing masks
We can trade our fears for poetry
Give way to hope and curiosity
The moon’s a light up in the sky
Perfect for longing and lullabies
But a world alive awaits us all
Down here
Though we get wrapped up in bed sheets
We hear the calling of the streets
The world’s our stage and we can be
Shakespeare
Computers, cars, and microphones
All help us feel less alone
You can wear your heart upon your sleeve
Help somebody struggling believe
The journey of 1000 miles
Begins with a toothbrush
And a passport smile
We can find a hole that’s in a wall
Walk museum, subway, or palace halls
The moon’s a light up in the sky
Perfect for longing and lullabies
But a world alive awaits us all
Down here
Though we get wrapped up in bed sheets
We hear the calling of the streets
The world’s our stage and we can be
Shakespeare
Like a city on a hill
Even if we've got to take our pills
We can trade our caves for scenery
Our desert hearts for miles of greenery
We can trade our fears for poetry
Give way to hope and curiosity
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Here's the last song in a 14 song album I'm working on. Though it's not the last song in the lineup. I'll put a link to the rough demo in the comments, if you wanna check it out.
Editing stage:
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Comments
gregwa8
Wed, 2018-11-07 21:09
https://soundcloud.com
https://soundcloud.com/gregwa8/passport-smiles
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-11-08 11:43
Super song !!! I love it.
Why did you cut the last lines of the lirics?
Please add them here in the text.
I love the mode the song conveys.
I love the quiet as a matter of fact recital that somehow places me here beneath the moon in the real world and I like it.
IRiz
gregwa8
Thu, 2018-11-08 19:49
Added the lyrics. Thanks for
Added the lyrics. Thanks for the listen and encouragement!
author commentEumolpus
Thu, 2018-11-08 19:00
hi Greg,
I think for all of us who have memorized everything Joni Michell every did she was first to use passport smiles:
All the people at this party
They've got a lot of style
They've got stamps of many countries
They've got passport smiles
Some are friendly
Some are cutting
Some are watching it from the wings
Some are standing in the centre
Giving to get something
Though not intentional plagiarism by any means, it still is an issue to be considered.
I think your lyric has more potential as a poem. It's too "dense" for a lyric in my opinion. Songs for me need to be immediate and transparent...like Joni's above...
I think
Like a city on a hill
We can practice fortified free will
We can trade our caves for scenery
Our desert haunts for miles of greenery
reads very nicely as a poem, but a tough lyric to pull off. Just like Joni's is not a particularly good poem, but what a great lyric.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
gregwa8
Thu, 2018-11-08 19:53
thanks for the heads up. I
thanks for the heads up. I didn't know that it was already a lyric. wasn't it just Joni Mitchell's birthday? some of my favorite musicians are pretty heavy in their lyrics. definitely not for everybody. like you're saying, people want to get carried away by songs, not bogged down in them necessarily. but it's definitely my style to lean much more towards the poetic than the traditionally lyrical. always appreciate the comments and consideration.
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