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O Tree of Many Splendours
O Tree of many splendours
Lady what can you mean?
O'erhung with sacred thunders
A wooded island green
The wind is in your breast
the night is on the air
the ghostly twin of love's caress
is trembling through your hair
O Lovely daughter of the night
within your crescent tower
who cast the word of Shulamite
within your holy bower
A virgin in your arms a'dream
as the prophet poet calls
to mark the hour though serene
when night on Eden falls
O Tree of many splendours
Lady what can you mean?
endowed with cosmic wonders
of amethyst and green
The wind is in your breast belle
your ghost is on the air
a mist between your love and hell
is written in your stare
O Lovely stranger of the west
within your sheltered bower
who placed a faith within my chest
a sweet and deathly flower?
A virgin in your arms a'dream
as the final angels calls
to mark the hour set astream
when night on Eden falls
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2018-10-31 15:20
Liking this...
No doubt there is more to this than seems at first glance, but I really like the gentle roll of a decidedly
romantic work in the style of the bards of old. Hats off to a very nice piece in rhyme! [No surprise here].
The title is one of the things that attracted my attention, your language use was right in tune and helped with the whole image. It flowed well, having a presence of theme and it came to a logical conclusion. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Dalton
Sun, 2019-08-11 18:50
hi Geezer maybe you could
hi Geezer maybe you could read my latest its called "A Ballet in Reverse" its an experiment that arose between myself and a friend to write a poem about time turning backwards advice is welcome does it work?
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2021-04-30 15:55
dear Dalton,
your lovely title is a promise of the events to come...I love the languidly flowing pace. everything is perfect and no line is out of place. every word a tasty morsel... I know this for true, as I read it out loud. in my book you rank right up there with the masters!
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
there is nothing rough about this piece! thanks for bringing it to my attention
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dalton
Fri, 2021-04-30 16:56
Hi Candle Witch
Thanks so much for your encouraging generous words many people either don't understand what I'm trying to do or that it's anachronistic. It makes me so happy when a kind soul see it for what it is.
By the way I love the Persian cat with you in your picture when my grandma past away I kind of inherited her Persian cat William and he was my best friend animals are better than people and your cat looks beautiful
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2021-05-01 08:23
hello back,
the cat in the picture with me is named Bennington; Benny for short. he is a Birman with blue eyes. 17 1/2 years old. the picture was taken a few years ago. he is like a son to me, and my bed buddy. he has kidney disease which is advanced. it has gotten to the point where it is kinder to let him go. he goes to the vet on monday. at least we will have the weekend with him...I think this is going to kill me...
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
Benny is a beautiful soul, thanks for saying so. and yes, animals are better than people.
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dalton
Sat, 2021-05-01 10:15
Candlewitch
No human being can replace him God bless him and God bless you. I believe animals have souls and I know he will be there for you in heaven. At least you have a short time and a wealth of loving memories be well dear
Love John
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2021-05-01 11:21
dear John,
thank you for your kind words and thoughts for me and Benny. we have had a pampered life together. without a moment wasted...we both are loved. He is sleeping on my legs now, on a fluffy blanket. you be well, too.
*love, Cat & Benny
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dalton
Sat, 2021-05-01 12:32
Cat
That sounds like beautiful moment of stillness xxx
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