Very nicely metered with a good rhythmic feel and consistency, yet Its all so victorious, When my father died I dreamed of him on a train, like a darkened subway, lighted by a single brown yellowish puce bulb, desolate and very noisy like clanking bones thundering down the track as it made its way to some Hades like terrain, implying I suppose a sense of sever displacement, loss, and so very alone, desolated.
Do you feel that death is a victory?
Having asked the question, I think its possible that it is liberating potentially, for some a move up, for others not so
Perhaps its a personal thing on my part, while alluding to it in the last line "the slipping of hands
in the ultimate conquest of night", there is no moment in this where I'm particularly moved
not a tear, not a smile,, nothing profoundly transformative, etheric, incandescent, dangerous or foreboding.
Consider if my comment moves you that the poem requires bigger teeth...Its about the power of language and entrancement

Fair enough, and no your poem is not badly executed at all, quite to the contrary, and you are right to say I may need to refamiliarize myself with the Orpheus myth. Having said that if I where on the tip of the tongue familiar with the myth
What would it change?

Should the poem stand alone or be context dependent?

Do you think a reader should have Greek mythology cerebrally hardwired for the ahaa effect to care about the writing?

If I go to google up Orpheus does your poem turn to light now that I am refamiliarized?

What do you want from your reader?

Hay I'm the new idiot and enjoy the interactions with others with plenty of my own failings and aspirations My comments are only good if they are useful to you, if I offer a point of view that touches or illuminates.
Warm regards Z

Its good to have expectations of your readers, I wrote a poem about memory in terms of neuroscience. Should I ask you to read up to get my poem or should I as a poet have a way to engage as fully as possible irrespective of your neuroscience creds?
To what end am I writing ?

Your a good writer, consistent in mood, adherent to your goal, eloquent etc. I felt the absence of the power of feeling
Its not just about the myth.

STOP ;) your killing me with your self deprecation ,,,haahaahaa I so appreciate your comment about trying to refocus on certain aspects of writing as I find myself in this crisis too

According to some my stuff can get so rangy, iritic, mood jumping. It begs the question what model of perfection are we working with. There are so many. What do we believe and how do those beliefs remove us from us from our creative eminence or bring us into the rapture of it. I'm a professional artist In grad school I witnessed bar room brawls between the figurative painters and those predisposed to abstraction. The figurative painters thinking the abstract painters had no craft and the abstractionist believing the figurative contingent had no intellect, regressive as tethered to convention That was the 70s. Seen from the vantage point of post modernism this could never happen, To me Style is about temperament. Over and over again every time I saw work that I loved inherent in it would a way of seeing implying rules that would make me an adherent only to discover something else that blew me away that was antithetical to my prior infatuation, a serial monogamist
Always painting like some one else, always painting last centuries or yesterdays paintings in search of myself driven by absence of individuation and fear, never in front of the curve.

If you like read a poem in the stream called Copycat, neuroscience

Warm regards Z

Dear Dalton
I love this piece ,as you know I dont ever write rhymed pieces unless the occasional Limerick , so I say kudos to you for the lovely flow you have maintained here while rhyming .
The story of Orpheus and his beloved wife Eurydice is a painful "lost love story" , newly wed she is killed by a snake bite and while she is in Hades Orpheus visits to try and reclaim her for the mortal world , he enchants Hades and Persephone with his music and she is released to him on the condition that she walk behind him out of Hades and he not look back , he couldn't hear here behind him so he looked back and she was taken from him for ever .
Bereft he sang songs and played music begging for death to be with her .
Your poem written to my reading when Orpheus is in his hell having lost Eurydice to Hades after his failed "rescue attempt"
, the first verse speaks of her beauty , I can feel the romantic love connection in these lines , the second verse starts with two tactile lines that I really like then a change to a sadness at loss , where music has lost its sweetness and words their echo or depth as loved ones are separated in the ultimate conquest of night .....death .
I think this is a lovely piece and I think anyone who wasnt familiar with the Orpheus myth would seek it out to appreciate your poem , that said and maybe some feel a poem should be totally self explanatory I think this stands as love and loss poem very nicely , your language choices are beautiful , your imagery supports the themes of love and loss perfectly .
I find there is something gentle about most of this poem that really appeals , from the the light kissing and mapping , the trembling touch , shimmer , velveteen chords and I think your description of death is amazing ,if one could guarantee death would be so gentle as the slipping of hands .You are such an amazing talent free verse or rhyme ,you know i'm only a scribbler but its the content and power to evoke an emotional response that matters to me{ she says as she wipes tears
from her eyes} and you ace that everytime , for me I could never write trying to fit my thoughts and emotions into rhyme but thats just me , you do it beautifully , it is so unforced it glides off the tongue.
As always dear Poet and friend if I have misconstrued anything of your intention my offer of edits etc stands
Thanks Dalton for suggesting I read this , it has been a very pleasurable experience as ever , your poetry never fails to enthral and captivate ,you are not only a "real poet " but a poet extraordinaire .

Thanks again D
Emerald {R/M} x

I love this poem for its ability to stand on its own feet. It is lovely and soulfully yearning, yet sorrow at its depth. these lines are the description of how I felt when I first fell in love with Steven:

each trembling touch
a shimmer of love's own design
the hunger of beasts & such
the raving choirs bereft
of the music of wine

I am so glad that you are posting your poetry!

*love & hugs, Cat