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Florence [Sunku]
her eyes
are whelming
with stormy surge
choking
for contempt
loathed upon her
crying
"my name means
beautiful girl"
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Fri, 2018-09-14 12:51
Hello raj
A profilic poet you are, aren't you :)
I'm not quite sure I'm getting this one. Reading between the lines and trying to connect to the title, i thought you are talking about Florence the city, butwhen I googled I didn't find the meaning of the name. Is the girl named after the city?
I would appreciate a hint here.
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raj
Fri, 2018-09-14 15:14
Hi Rula
This is with reference to the fearsome hurricane Florence looming large over East Coast of USA ...
I often wonder why these hurricanes mostly have name of women...Irene,,,Maria,...Katrina..to name a few...does it mean women have such a dark side? :)
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Fri, 2018-09-14 15:14
Could be
not v.much justified though in my opinion. Why giving them nanes in the first place I wonder.
Overwhelming, should be one word? And it's four syllables.
"enormous " Maybe work better?
Just a suggestion.
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raj
Fri, 2018-09-14 15:34
thanks Rula for the catch
thanks Rula for the catch about syllable count..i have fixed it...
giving names is I believe for identification purposes but beats me why names of persons...just imagine how would you feel if a hurricane is named Rula?
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Fri, 2018-09-14 15:43
:)
No way!
They better not do it
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raj
Fri, 2018-09-14 15:47
now you can understand how
now you can understand how all girls / women named Florence must be feeling right now :)...that's the essence of this Sunku...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentgregwa8
Thu, 2018-09-20 22:10
very powerful. you make the
very powerful. you make the sunku form work wonderfully. like haiku, but different.
raj
Fri, 2018-09-21 06:42
thanks Greg
for reading and your appreciative comment...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
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