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A Bad Star

Submitted by gregwa8 on Sat, 2018-09-08 14:38

The little boy
Picked petal
After petal
Off the purple
Star-shaped
Flower

“She loves me,
She loves me not”

Until his desperate
Little fingers
Ended on a final leaf
And a final “not”

It was a total
Dis-Aster

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Rula

Sat, 2018-09-08 15:33

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Nice play with words greg.
A fun to read despite the di Aster
Thanks for sharing this enjoyable piece!

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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gregwa8

Sat, 2018-09-08 15:59

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Thanks Rula!

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Geezer

Sat, 2018-09-08 16:49

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is good enough to catch my eye and that's what it is supposed to do. Good language and the rhythm was smooth and flowed well from beginning to end. I liked the theme and the devastated little boy, made it all come together in a smart play of words! Nice job! ~ Geezer.
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gregwa8

Sat, 2018-09-08 18:13

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Thanks Geezer!

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