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A cave or sanctuary

A cave became a gateway from the world
I walked through its portal seeking peace
The darkness clung to me, a mantle of softness

The sounds of outside quickly died and fled
The quiet descended hard on my troubled ways
Here was that peace I sought in daily chores

I sat and felt the walls so strong around me
I felt the roof that curved shielding my ways.
"I am here" I screamed, as it held my sound softly.

There in its maw glimmering, was the world
Here in its depths, it held my mind fast and safe
I was at peace here with my thoughts at last.

I will stay a while to let my inner self rest.
Take heed, are you strong enough to find peace?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Talking to myself again..
Editing stage: 

Comments

Everybody needs a place of refuge. I've never been in a natural cave but tend to think at least for me that the claustrophobia might kick in. I assume this poem is a sonnet which leads to first line in stanza two. "did quickly die"......hmmmm...... try another way of saying this that still keeps syllable count.The sounds of outside quickly died and fled... just a thought from a guy who freely admits being terrible at writing sonnets

Many thanks for your visit and comment.
I have used your suggested line, it takes its place without a ripple. Thanks again young Woodsman,
My love to all your Kin.
Yours as always Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

....around me...
seems superfluous to me
its but natural ....around you
I think economy of words
in poetry has become a must
Ian

We have walked along many roads, and your name is not known still after all these years of talking to you' young Bard I would have thought that you would want to be known by your given name by now ..
Thank you for your visit, where the children stay and play, there is an old man that lives in a cave in the hills there and they say they go talk to him sometimes.
But for me they have made a seat at the side of the place where they play, so one day ask Sadie to bring you to see me I expect I will be there before you lol.
It wont matter who is first at the end of our stay here as there is no time in Spirit I shall be there as you whisper my name.
Take care Young one, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

I think I will Welcome you
but there isREALLY '''no other side'''
we all in imagination here reside
be my Guide
Anonymity and celebrity
have a great rhyme commonality
but celebrities cry
when no one yells nor cries
I don't want to be disappointed
Shall just fade away
as you know the
what and why....
Have a Scotch on me
Bard will pay don't worry
send it to my pay-pal c/o 911
then he will find the unknown bard

this poem created for me all the sounds, images and mood of melancholy...a pleasure read...
..............................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Many thanks for your comment, Take care out there.
Good to see you, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Wow. This poem had such great descriptions, I felt like I really was experiencing the cave. I loved it.

All the best and happy writing,
Bookdragon

And I know from that Elysian freight
She will brave but once more the Atlantic weather,
When dory and fisherman sail by fate
To seek for the Happy Isles together.
-Robert Frost

A great name to write with, thank you very much for your visit to my cave.
Some write of the reality of the shadows on the wall there.
I write of dragons sometimes and other beaut creatures, I hope your stay with us is a good experience of learning poetry and of people.
I see you are from Alberta I have visited your beautiful place a few times.
We use to go to Cold lake in the winter time to test our Helicopters, also my wife had a Sister that lived in Lacombe. Strange how small the world is.
Thanks again for your visit we shall walk some more..
Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

"The darkness clung to me, a mantle of softness." "There in its maw glimmering, was the world." Such beautiful lines in this. I love the idea of getting away from everything in a cave. And the end of the poem asks whether we are strong enough to escape, a great paradoxical question.

Thank you very much for your words they lift my writing.
I do know of a hermit that lives in a cave but he is there and is visited for wisdom, I wonder if being in this sort of environment with just your thoughts gives you a wisdom of sorts..
One day I will visit him and sit with his thoughts.
I missed the chance once of sitting with a Buddhist monk and it to me was a loss. I don't think I wanted to intrude into his thoughts at that time lol Take care and thanks again, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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