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Come Back!
Last night I was leaving
the dance floor
I suddenly realised
what would happen
to you for sure
I fell off to slumber
counting the days of living number
later fell into deeper isolation
REM
if you know what it meant.
Early morning my normal
waking up signal failed
lights were off
'twas darkness
I did not know who and why
folks were pulling me
they wanted me upstairs
else I should give up my wealth.
Not much though I had
but they all thought
I was just fooling
then someone did
catch my throat
I yelled
Security, Security,
none listened
I was in the midst of the storm
when someone woke me
come back
Big Daddy
and
I perplexedly did
(Dream poem)
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
The fear of the unknown
Death could be
and
some one composed a poem
''Playing with Angels''
I had last read on Neo
had a malfeasance impact
perhaps
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
IRiz
Tue, 2018-09-04 10:23
great poem
I like your poem.
some of the expressions seems a little strange to me. For example, "someone did my throat catch". I am not sure what it means. someone was trying to chock you?
IRiz
lovedly
Tue, 2018-09-04 10:39
yeah I suppose so
choking feeling can't breathe nor swallow kind
thanks i c u r off more than on
where do u go
brief eh
IRiz
Tue, 2018-09-04 10:55
Hi Lovedly,
Hi Lovedly,
I am prioritizing my time, less on line, more working on my poems, learning French. I want to read more and still don't read enough. Also i was sick a bit, and feel i have lost a few brain cells.
But when I miss my friends I come over here and visit you. Your poems have become more intense. BTW, the title of this poem is not compatible with the optimistic return at the end, or maybe i missed something.
IRiz
lovedly
Tue, 2018-09-04 13:00
Thanks Irene
you R d only 1 or may b 2
who reads and praises me here
do read my song one
DON'T CRY BABY
Some say it is good
AND LOL Lose some more brain cells ...older ones
newer ones come with a modern vision ...such as yours
Biennvenue devushka bonjour
what should be the title can u suggest ok 1
IRiz
Tue, 2018-09-04 13:51
Maybe to name it
Maybe to name it
Not Yet
But you must know better, you were called back, you returned, you heard the words calling you back,
Maybe, Come Back!, Or Come Back, Daddy?
IRiz
lovedly
Tue, 2018-09-04 15:41
thanks Irene
amended
IRiz
Tue, 2018-09-04 15:48
my pleasure
my pleasure
IRiz
Geezer
Tue, 2018-09-04 19:27
I guess...
I have read enough of your work to make me think I finally have a handle on what you are trying to say.
You have made enough sense here for me to make a comment. I think that maybe, you have had a bout of sleep apnea. [Where you stop breathing for a while; to maybe listen for a sound and then your body suddenly realizes that you aren't breathing and your brain starts to panic and feels as though someone or something has you by the throat! It happens. Not to worry, unless it becomes a frequent occurrence. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Tue, 2018-09-04 19:55
geezer
marks 1000/10
abs
wonderful
that means I have reached my
destinashun
phenominally