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The Anatomy Of A Popped Balloon

Submitted by gregwa8 on Fri, 2018-08-31 23:11

objects of joy
litter the carpet

some that use batteries
some that move — enthusiastically
(with or without our help)

some to cuddle
some that make electronic noise

the sounds of childhood progress
the alphabet
for example
a MIDI soundtrack

eventually something will
burst
like a balloon

and that sound will be
as educational
as an episode
of Sesame Street

triggering tears
the feeling of loss
gifts taken

even surrounded by
things and people we love

cake perhaps
and celebration

we can mourn
goodness passing

a balloon
that was ours

an emblem of hope
deflated
on the floor

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Sat, 2018-09-01 16:39

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Very nice. The metaphor of a moped ballon and loss of childhood innocence is a good one.......now it if only rhymed (just kidding- sort of).......stan

gregwa8

Mon, 2018-09-03 22:43

gregwa8's picture

rhyming would work good with this one. thanks for the read and comments, Stan

author comment

Shadowdancer3349

Sun, 2018-09-16 22:16

I am big on the title attracting the reader and this surely did that
at first blush it sounds like a dad's description of a child's celebration but on closer examination there is way more going on that that isn't there

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