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A Life

Submitted by Sir Bernard on Wed, 2018-08-29 06:26

A life in the jungle
A life of hustle
A life full of bundles
Of spiralling wavering bubbles

A life of pressure
A life of painful pleasure
A life of no leisure
A life of sorrow that cannot be measured

A life full of desires
Of what to acquire
A life that aspires
With no clue as to when it will expire

A life of lust
In spite of the cost
A life of dust
If it comes to worst

A life that seeks gain
But instead gains pain
A life full of thoughts that are vain
Hoping that one day fortune will rain

A life of supposed grace
Looming in the empty space
With a motion in an uncertain pace
And with nothing to show but shame to the face

A life-a candle lit
Deteriorating bit by bit
A life devoid of wit
Dancing obediently in the bottomless pit

I hope things will change Before I do something strange

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Robert Tucker PhD

Wed, 2018-08-29 12:33

Robert Tucker PhD's picture

Very good! This poem describes the 99% of people who struggle to get ahead and are met head-on with barriers that drive them to the edge and thankfully sanity keeps us this side of the edge.

Robert Tucker PhD

bjucks

Wed, 2018-08-29 15:32

bjucks's picture

Consistency in your theme made for a great read.
I think this poem speaks to people who are struggling with there purpose in life or choices they've made.

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