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LEFT BEHIND

Submitted by Simon on Thu, 2018-08-23 07:51

Like a wounded tiger that
Watch food passes by,
like a broken vulture which
beg for it's meal.
Hope is almost lost when a sea
pushed out a fish.

It's a competitive universe
a fight hard deal
a run over race and a trial or error
Should one make it or die trying?
For every day craving even crude
can look like water.

A quest for flying is the nature of bird
The wind flows towards a direction
at a moment it suppose to
When the rain resumes all plants enrich.

From where one comes
and to where one goes matters
Situations at times tears apart
and one feels doomed
Perhaps am left behind or aside
Though the ship keep moving till
life finally sink six feet down.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem portrays the image struggle, especially for the lower or middle stages of life. I try to explain how hard and difficult life is but hope is key to ignition and a way yo success.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

chevyvent

Thu, 2018-08-23 14:12

chevyvent's picture

The first line stanza was charming in light of the piece. It has a real great message to it
Thinking along the lines of encouragment toward others. Left to believe the impossible
Really good cadence throughout reaching the mass population. Keep up the great work your a shooting star. For example in "Like a wounded tiger that
Watch food passes by,"
These words shine

Mario Vitale

Simon

Tue, 2018-08-28 03:39

Simon's picture

I am truly greatful for your encouragement it gives me joy and hope, especially the strength and inspirations to write on the more.thank you much.

author comment

Breakinglogic

Thu, 2018-08-23 14:56

Breakinglogic's picture

Sometimes life deals in setbacks, and sometimes in small blessings. We are subject to the flows of the mediums in which we must live. The wind certainly blows whichever way it pleases at any moment. There are a few very interesting lines here. "Hope is almost lost when a sea pushed out a fish" is my favorite. This was a thoughtful read. Much enjoyed.

☆ raffy

Simon

Tue, 2018-08-28 03:45

Simon's picture

Life is a teacher and until you study it's lessons you would understand,is good stay around people and understand what they are going through thanks for your comment.

author comment

Chiori

Mon, 2018-11-12 07:43

Chiori's picture

that's the struggle of life bro
at least mine a lesson to you

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

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