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A Pristine Day
As the fresh morning breaths
break through the silver sky,
entangled rococo threads
emulate a talisman;
an enchantment has just
presaged a new born day
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Thu, 2018-08-23 15:00
Hi Rula
The title is appropriate and as appealing as the poem as too the language. Honestly, I will need to check the meaning of rocco which I will do.
......................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Thu, 2018-08-23 15:17
Thank you dear raj
For the kind word and rococo was a typo.
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raj
Thu, 2018-08-23 15:19
Oh Ok...then what was
Oh Ok...then what was supposed to be there in place of rocco?
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raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Thu, 2018-08-23 15:23
Rococo
^_^
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raj
Thu, 2018-08-23 15:40
Oh...now I need to find out
Oh...now I need to find out what rococo means...will do that...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Fri, 2018-08-24 01:31
I guess i need to change the word
Or add sth after to clarify the image....mmmm
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Seren
Fri, 2018-08-24 10:16
Rula
This is short. Some would say a brief slice
Its beautiful. I cant see anything to change
Hugs Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Rula
Fri, 2018-08-24 15:53
Dearest Jayne
I have the intention to build on this one. Not sure which direction I'm taking it or it's taking me. Guess the coming days will show.
Thank you for giving this little piece such a kind visit.
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Breakinglogic
Fri, 2018-08-24 20:04
I've read this about a dozen
I've read this about a dozen times over the last few hours. It's been growing on me since my first read, so I came back a few times. I don't know exactly what to say about it though. I really like the word rococo in there. And I'm not sure if you had "baroque" somewhere in there before or if I just thought of it because of rococo. But I like that too. Oops I think I'm just rambling . But I like this. It has a nice air to it. Seems like an opening to something more.
☆ raffy
Rula
Sun, 2018-08-26 10:52
Hello raffy
Welcome to Neopoet. It's always great to meet new friends here.
I'm happy to know that you like this. I'm not sure about the word baroque, though.
I am thinking to add to this piece, but not sure where to go with it.
Much appreciate your kind visit.
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lovedly
Sun, 2018-08-26 16:10
many a new child is born every morn
as is your poetry
a daily Inspiration
roccocco notwithstanding
leave it as it is
a mystery about any poetry is astounding
roccolilily
''you may perhaps delete the last word
'''day''
it is either understood
or
superfluous