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It is quiet again

Submitted by Sparrow on Sun, 2018-08-19 19:37

There is a quiet that cannot be filled.
The songs of time are memories
Filling the air with make believe,
If only there was a continuation.

I asked the universe what is happening.
It replied to me in quiet tones
A purpose has been removed
A need must be found for think.

I understand you, I said to the universe
It is late, and I must hurry
Before winter quiets my mind
Just believe, it will happen it said

It is me, I said that patience has left.
I used your energy and failed
I failed to bring all of me in.
Now I have to withdraw inward

We will help you find a new pathway
They sent me a bouquet
The perfume lost my thoughts
Tangled for a while it did.

They talk of the road less travelled
It is because I only need
I walk with you once always
There on the beaches we are.

My now is fixed to a new pathway
I retain all those memories
Rejoice with me once more
Eternity awaits another walk

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Monday Morning !
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

gregwa8

Tue, 2018-08-21 02:19

gregwa8's picture

"There is a quiet that cannot be filled." A beautiful line. Seems like a poem about the conflict between a whispering past and a future that is calling, also tentatively, like a whisper. A nice read.

Sparrow

Tue, 2018-08-21 03:31

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Thank you very much for you comment, probably a conflict as you saw, but I seem to be getting more of these the older I get lol.
I expect memories become entangled with the present and then there is their meaning, just me I guess as do many people judging the past with present dreams..
Take care out there and thanks again,
Yours Ian ..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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Seren

Tue, 2018-08-21 12:20

Seren's picture

You know I've already read this one. I was also stilled by that first line it's really a beaut way to start this poem. It's filled with a deep yearning and I love this poem love love it. Kudos I love that first line wish it was mine lol

Love always Jaughter xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Sparrow

Tue, 2018-08-21 19:03

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Yes I may have sent this one to you or put on Face book but not all on Neo read my face Book page let alone comment on the ones I put here.
I have sent a PM to you that will make the words seem clearer,
Take care and many thanks for commenting anyway.
Yours as always DA xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2018-08-21 22:52

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The first stanza of this poem could easily stand alone....well done

Sparrow

Wed, 2018-08-22 03:13

Sparrow's picture
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Great to see you here, maybe I will have to have some stress to write better pieces lol
Hope we see some more of your world before the winters snow..
I think that I need a cup full of energy on my think side, I shall ask the children to pop in and help..
Take care out there and good to walk with you for a moment.
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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