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Why Did I Love You?... [August contest]

Submitted by Geezer on Mon, 2018-08-06 20:44

I'll never forget the why of why I loved you
You took me places I'd never been before
And brought me many admiring glances
Whenever we appeared together

I was entranced by your low, throaty voice
We moved together so well
I felt like a king astride your beautiful body
I felt like I could fly

Yes, there were bumps in the road
When we broke down and had our differences
I cried like a baby, with frustration
“Let's please start again?”

When you refused to go any further
I had to find my own way home
You always got a ride
Sometimes I walked

Now we are at the end, I can't go on
It's been a hell of a ride...
I hope you find someone new

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
AUGUST CONTEST

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2018-08-07 14:21

Geezer's picture
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I think you will be surprised at the basis of this story. I will give it when the contest ends. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

lovedly

Mon, 2018-08-06 22:55

lovedly's picture

unrequited love they all say
look at the title
correct you may
else a techy foul may be

Geezer

Tue, 2018-08-07 14:15

Geezer's picture
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I don't mind losing to someone that has better work, but I'd hate to go down for a technical foul!
~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

raj

Tue, 2018-08-07 04:53

the two ends of a relationship ...how it started and reason it ended...neatly captured in these lines...

as mentioned by Lovedly you need to change the title to Why Did I Love You which is specifically stated by Stan as a contest requirement.
.....................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Geezer

Tue, 2018-08-07 14:17

Geezer's picture
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As I said to lovedly, I don't want to lose over a tech problem. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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