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Prose & Poetry
Someone dropped a pen.
His name was Prose.
"Write." Said he.
"Use it to bind ideas
With its tears as the rope."
So I tried.
But my strength
Rattles with his weight.
"Let me interfere."
Said Poetry.
"Scrape what you have done
And let your heart
Do the talking."
So I did.
Now I speak
In deeper linings.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Thanks Amalzamani for the tip.
"on" changed to "with" on the last line of the first stanza.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Dennis Go
Mon, 2011-01-31 03:07
Dear Ian
Using the pen to bind ideas with its (tears - ink) as the rope.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll try to internalize on this.
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
Dennis Go
Mon, 2011-01-31 03:11
Thanks Amalzamani.
Maybe "Rattles with his weight"? The word "beneath" somewhat doesn't sound right.
Thanks a lot for the suggestion.
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
Dennis Go
Tue, 2011-02-01 01:36
Thanks. Edited.
Thanks. Edited.
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
scribbler
Sun, 2011-01-30 22:51
hello Dennis
well the 2 above addressed my main concerns lol. Did you mean"Scrap what you have done"? A good theme on the power of poetry over prose, I think.............scribbler
Dennis Go
Mon, 2011-01-31 03:16
Hi Scribbler
I'd rather use scrape meaning "gather".
Thanks for your suggestion.
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
Dennis Go
Tue, 2011-02-01 23:59
Thanks Xena :)
Thanks Xena :)
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-02-02 00:23
I love to see poetry grow like this
great to see you taking advantage of what Neopoet has to offer, Dennis.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Dennis Go
Wed, 2011-02-02 11:23
Thanks Jess!
Thanks Jess!
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius