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Tears

I
Perhaps tears are seeds
The soul sows in the field
And if you succeed,
Harvest the wonders they yield.

II
Are these tears in my eyes
Or a pair of waterfalls?
Maybe a star has died
And what I see in the sky
Are its cascade of silver lights.

III
I think tears are pearls
Born from our hearts,
And our hearts, an ocean
Of sunken ships
With their treasures
Forever lost.

IV
Maybe the sea is made of tears
Of the sky above
And its lover, the earth.

V
Maybe when the sky weeps
Out of longing,
The earth catches every tear
With its cup,
And drinks it
To taste and share
The bitterness.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Thank you so very much Eumolpus for your advice.
Editing stage: 

Comments

a nicely put together poem, using the device popularized by Merwin (Word from a Totem Pole,) Stevens ( "13 Ways to look at a Blackbird,) many poems by Neruda. I just would title it "Tears"
I would make a 5th starting with "Maybe the sky weeps"
I think this form looks and feels better with using the Roman numerals I, II etc above the stanza, rather than numbers at the front of a Stanza. That is the traditional way and I think it works better.

I also think you could add a lot more, with different lengths and styles. There is so much to be said of tears! Each new entry offers a different emotion and landscape. Different imagist offerings.
...

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Hadn't heard of those poems and poets until you told me about them. I just finished reading their works and they have surprised and impressed me! Your comment is extremely helpful. I am touched. Thank you very much and I will follow your advice.

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

It is a very good feeling to be of help to another poet. It makes the site worth its weight.
You have the ear of a poet, and love of word and images. I am almost 70, i have been reading poetry for over 50 years, and picked up a few things along the way. It would be my pleasure to mentor you if you like. I am a mentor in the site.
The poets I suggested should be read, they are each a universe of poetry. I can discuss each one with you and advise poems to read of theirs.
BTW I think the changes you made make the work look and feel awesome.
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

It's my great pleasure to be under your mentoring. Though I have been here for quite a while, I am still not familiar with many features of this site such as the mentor program. Kindly lead the way

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

this is really nice. the anatomy of a tear. while music is a language that everyone understands, so are tears. i like your five part poem.

Tears are one of the purest languages of the world and also one borne by its inhabitant - living and non-living. In the absence or failure of sound and words, tears are the most eloquent way to express the unexpressed. Once collected, they overflow and may destroy the dam and flood the entire area.

Thank you

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

as is popularly said "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" ...your vision and and five different perceptions has created this lively poem....I wonder if instead of "bitterness" the concluding word could have been "salt"
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raj (sublime_ocean)

I was actually thinking of salt for tears are salty, not bitter in literal sense. But I felt strongly about bitterness for some strange reasons. It comes from one of the many realities of life - the unfulfilled, the not-meant-to-be. In modern usage, salt as in salty, does not express the meaning of bitterness of those realities. And the bitterness implied is that of pain. Isn't it funny that a single word has multiple meanings and usages? Like each definition is different from others, so is its usage?

Thank you

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

After reading your thoughts about choosing "bitter" over "salt" I agree with you...makes lot of sense...

I was wondering why you didn't write also add a stanza about "dew"
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raj (sublime_ocean)

Even flowers and grasses shed tears;
Enduring the moonless night
And awaiting the golden morn.
When the sun rises from the sea of clouds,
Their tears glisten the brightest,
Like stars.

That's the one I wrote for dew. So Tears consists of more than 15 short poems and I just published five out of them. I was planning on posting the rest bit by bit.

I feel some of them need polishing and revisions, so I will post them once they are finalized. I am quite excited about completing the collection.

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

Good one about Dew Rain Sprite..
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raj (sublime_ocean)

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