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In The Shadows

Submitted by gregwa8 on Thu, 2018-05-31 00:33

we're all convinced
we're ninjas
at some point in our lives

when i was young
i wrapped a long sleeve shirt
around my head
so i could just see
through a slit
where the neck hole was

and jumped on couches
off steps
doing roundhouses
and karate chops
and hiding from people

it's the hiding part
that makes the most sense
it seems

like a watched pot
doesn't boil
there's no such thing
as a high profile
ninja

like a slick
iceberg
there's so much more
beneath the surface
so much in us
that's heroic

and we feel like
a secret identity
is necessary
when we act

whether it's modesty
or the need to focus
or fear of rejection

we remain in the shadows
fighting
behind a mask
fighting

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Thu, 2018-05-31 05:37

weirdelf's picture
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especially the ninjas. Starknives, eh. I actually taught my self to hang above doorways in ambush of my sisters. I have the scars to prove it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geezer

Thu, 2018-05-31 08:25

Geezer's picture
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came into focus and became popular, I was a little too old to go jumping around with scarves and shirts wrapped around my brow. I did however, do it in my head. I hid behind the exterior of a rational adult and threw stars, swung swords and chopped necks with glee and a smirk of Japanese on my lips. I agree with all the reasons for the secret identity and have a not so secret one myself. [Killer].
He is my alter-ego. He is able to do all the things that as a [mostly sane] and law-abiding person cannot. The sixth stanza was the one that really caught me up. Just love the simile. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

weirdelf

Thu, 2018-05-31 10:56

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I have an evil twin brother named Alex Machette. He sometimes hacks my computer so if you ever get any cruel, vicious, abusive and insulting critique I was no-where near the place at the time, I didn't do it, no-one saw me do it, you can't prove a thing, it was Alex Machette and you probably had it coming.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

chevyvent

Thu, 2018-05-31 13:20

chevyvent's picture

Wow nice poem and nice write. I really enjoyed this work of yours. I look forward to reading and enjoying more of your thoughts put to paper. Bravo!!

Omg this poem is sooooo sweet and i loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow its just so awesome!!!! keep up the great work

Mario Vitale

gregwa8

Fri, 2018-06-01 12:15

gregwa8's picture

Thanks, Jess, for all your comments on my poems. I will look out for Alex Machette. Haha.

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