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Nervous System
do something that scares you
tell the story
sing the song
there is a thrill
to doing
as well as being
pursuing
and not just breathing
there is a time
to count your breaths
and your blessings
to let your thoughts
pass like a movie
on the screen
of your mind
but what if you never
actively visualized
yourself winning
the boxing match
the big award
the lover?
let your passions
send you
from tree
to ground
to sky
like the bird
with its fluttering
heartbeat
be nervous
but don't let your
nervous system
down
with all of its
extraordinary
fearsome
potential
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Jackweb
Sat, 2018-05-26 08:02
I like the pattern of your verse...
there is mutual connectivity between each lines. You never halted the rhythm of the poem. It runs from beginning to end and that creates pure originality of poetic thought.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
gregwa8
Sat, 2018-05-26 10:50
Thanks Jackweb!
Thanks Jackweb!
weirdelf
Thu, 2018-05-31 05:40
Bordering on the inspirational, my friend.
Tread carefully.
cheers,
Jess
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