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War Is Not A Lady... Military Memories May Contest

Submitted by Geezer on Sun, 2018-05-20 22:45

Sharp like a knife
The edge of her tongue
Slices of hate fall from her lips
Butter won’t melt in her mouth

The ice of her heart refusing to thaw
In the heat of his passion
Sucking the breath from his life
Draining the strength of his soul

His heart sinks like a rock
There is no way out
Do or die
She wins...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Military Memories...

Comments

gregwa8

Sun, 2018-05-20 23:33

gregwa8's picture

an interesting look at how war is really a friend to no one. you've inspired me to enter the contest. btw how do i enter my own poem in the contest?

raj

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:18

It is pretty simple. In the boxes below your poem you will find a box for Contests. From its drop down menu select the contest. That's all.
.......................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Geezer

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:36

Geezer's picture
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that I inspired you to enter the contest! As raj says; go to the drop down and select contest and the name of the contest. Look at the contest guidelines and let it fly! Good luck to you sir! ~ Geezer.
.

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author comment

Seren

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:22

Seren's picture

I adore this. I have no suggestion but that you should write more in this style. Good luck in the contest.

Love and higgliest bugs J x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

raj

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:30

So good to see you back after disappearing for a pretty long time...stick on now...your presence means a lot for many like me..

may all be well...take best care...

much love and hugs..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Seren

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:39

Seren's picture

Sooo good to read you again.

Thank you for the welcome back
I've been very ill for sometime and it
meant I wasn't up to writing much
But tonight i felt the muse poking at me lol

So here I am I'll try to come round on a
more regular basis.

Love and big hugs J x

P.s.bear wifh me I'm very rusty lol

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:41

Geezer's picture
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My Aussie sis! I do have a need for free-form now and then. There are those thoughts that I just cannot formulate into rhyme. A different kind of simple brutality that even Killer fails to deliver. ~Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Rula

Tue, 2018-05-22 01:49

Rula's picture
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through out. Only the word melt being repeated too closely.
Just thought you might want to replace it for a smoother read.
Thanks for sharing.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Geezer

Tue, 2018-05-22 09:34

Geezer's picture
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I missed that! As a matter of fact, I think that the use of thaw instead of melt gives it a bit more flavor.
Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2018-05-24 08:32

Geezer's picture
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as I read the line again and the change of [melt] to thaw, I also decided to change the word of [cold] to ice! Thanks again! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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