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The town met me with
a homeless smile
that flew above the toothless tunnels,
a moth uncertain where to crash,
too many lanterns,
a trail of traffic lights
reflected in splashed puddles,
green rivers
lying flat under my tires,
clock towers and clouds
of glowing golden spray
around every car,
tall buildings, small benches,
dog parks…
I thought I'd never return
but here I was
still carrying the smell
of bonfires deep in my lungs,
driving cautiously
as if for the first time.
Shop windows,
old trees lost in the traffic circles,
cathedrals and monuments
excited voices, high-heeled lines
to the popular bars…
My town met me with love.
I felt cozy and warm
seeing again a shy smile
in his nearsighted eyes.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
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Region & Country
Washington DC
Favorite Poets
Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2017-12-12 16:30
Great picture of...
a coming home to a special place. I especially like the lines:
"A trail of traffic lights
reflected in splashed puddles
green rivers lying flat under my tires" .
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
IRiz
Tue, 2017-12-12 19:35
Thank you for reading, my
Thank you for reading, my friend,
i guess you could see where the poem took you
i am glad you commented, i write with my heart, paws and claws and it is important that someone civilized reads it. Have a good night.
PS This week i am working in the lab day and night and show only sporadic activity online
IRiz
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2017-12-13 12:49
u r a laborist
I'll sample my blood
see what all you can see
full of bacterium
and do read my kids poem we love all of em
cpaciba devuyshka!!!
russki
dobr vecher
dobri denye
IRiz
Wed, 2017-12-13 14:43
Haha thanks.
Haha thanks.
IRiz
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2018-04-09 08:43
Brilliant opening lines!
hooked from the start. Although, obviously, that wouldn't have worked without the title.
I love the poem, guache imagery, subtle emotion, elegant cadence.
The poem is a beautifully constructed journey in itself as I see it, the return starting with the return, so to speak.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
IRiz
Mon, 2018-04-09 21:01
thank you for reading, don't
thank you for reading, don't make me blush
i am trying to use my eye in prose
gosh! i feel so free
IRiz
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2018-04-09 21:29
"can't go home again" ?
Bull crap. as is illustrated in your poem. Home will be there no matter the changes. The only thing which niggles at me is "homeless smile" which I think you intend to mean you no longer have a home located there but the place is still happy to see you. But homeless smile might be too easily misconstrued as an image of homelessness......I have no suggestion for a better phrase but that still seems not quite right........stan the nit picker lol
IRiz
Tue, 2018-04-10 08:00
Hi Stan
Hi Stan
Thank you for reading.
Homeless smile is a smile that hangs in the air and doesn't belong to any particular owner
Homeless smile is a smile of a person who doesn't have agenda or goal
Homeless smile is many smiles that meet you in the street, don't mean much, but still precious simply because they are smiles
And also it is a smile of a homeless guy
stinky and hopeless and yet completely honest.
It was hard to find a proper words for the image.
Cheshire cat would know it better.
Have a nice day ahead.
IRiz
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2018-05-23 11:16
I came back home just to read your RETURN
I came back home just to read your RETURN
Then I found it again I'd read it last time I was in Spain
But the other day I went back to my village
cemented forests now
I had to ask the guy the way
to where I'd once lived
He smiled
you are standing on it
now leveled to the ground
all but a small bit
to allow you the bird's eye view
that you'd love to see
of a birth place
all want to return
whenever if ever
So I returned back away from home
now
NO more a HOME
IRiz
Wed, 2018-05-23 13:46
Yes some places continue to
Yes some places continue to be only in our imagination now
IRiz
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