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The Process of Mourning

You grieve
Like soft whispers,
Trying to yell

Be heard
From far ears
Of loved ones

Each word
Dark, frigid,
Lonely and, still.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Really makes you think almost hauntingly a fresh stroke off the tapestry on a blank canvas.

Mario Vitale

Thank you

"Poetry is music for the human voice. Until you actually speak it or someone speaks it, it has not come into it's own."
- Maya Angelou

author comment

Almost as if you were directed by our Steve, though he would have led you through the whole process of mourning..
A great write, and could have been a "Sunku" but it is yours and your style..
Well done there,
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Quite memorable and well done. I am not really a fan of "eastern" poetry, usually to distant and too limiting, but this one is stellar. Great title, and great words. I'm going to put it in my scrapbook of favorites, so your poem is now in the company of the greats.

I am a follower of the punctuation school. I think you should finish the punctuation and not put a comma in the last line.

Congratulations on presenting a wonderful work.

;

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Nice to know I'm your newest addition. Understanding your opinion on punctuation, however the commas serve a purpose dedicated to the mood of this poem.

---

"Poetry is music for the human voice. Until you actually speak it or someone speaks it, it has not come into it's own."
- Maya Angelou

author comment

Maybe "Still" should be moving to the next line. Creating that same effect without the comma.

"Poetry is music for the human voice. Until you actually speak it or someone speaks it, it has not come into it's own."
- Maya Angelou

author comment

I’m like the Sanford & son (Redd Fox of rap I got big dreams eating delicious ice cream watching yo bitches scream out living the dream. Ain’t nothing but a thing. I got this rap game locked this fat homeboy do think a lot. Boggy down to my sweat socks like the fame flamed Fetty Wap drop it while its hot. D Cyphr is making quick like fire raps a gun fire hire don’t call him a liar. As close as my new found friend peeps none other then Eminem working on his tan. Rex in effect in his super Nova body kit with phat rims wearing Depends…(Word) ! Locked Ferocious see ya on the flip side squeeze drop ya to yo knees as busy as a bee making sweet history !

Mario Vitale

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"Poetry is music for the human voice. Until you actually speak it or someone speaks it, it has not come into it's own."
- Maya Angelou

author comment

...but a couple of tweaks would, for me, make it much the more likeable...

You grieve
WITH soft whispers,
Trying to SCREAM

Be heard
From far ears
Of lov'ed ones OR 'BELOVED'

Each word
Dark, frigid,
Lonely and still.

Best wishes... .val.

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