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The Drivethru
I pulled up to the order box,
I ordered a whopper of world peace,
a side of love,
and a drink of compassion,
with lots of ketchup.
After I drove home
I found
they forgot the ketchup.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2018-03-21 14:57
Where is this place...
where you can order and get, a huge helping of world piece and a drink of compassion, with a side of love? I want to go there to get some food. Even as an ardent fan of ketchup, [I think that ketchup belongs on anything that isn't green, cereal or ice cream]; I wouldn't be too upset that they forgot the ketchup! Love the scenario , I wish it were real, it gives a person something to think about. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Eumolpus
Thu, 2018-03-22 00:43
too short
I would take this great idea and keep going with it with different products, things bought online or other venues of pop culture.
That was my first gut reaction to the poem. ...Keep going. This is a really fun idea with fun irony..I think you could have a good time adding to it.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings