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A pinch of salt.

Submitted by vandiemenspeak on Tue, 2018-03-06 05:38

“I’ll always take what you say, with a pinch of salt”
This, She said to me without a touch of the iron
Required to wrinkle out the truth, which belies a Mother’s belief
At twenty thousand miles of distance and grief

Only time that drains her voice of tune once held
At the other end, can be felt, that strength
Which once admonished so stoutly, now
Furrows a condescending prow, two oceans distance

I shan’t blame her, nor condone my actions,
Here alone, I set the terms, the shed shell chosen,
The end of the earth, the golden land, decision
And cutting apart, incision given

By her, as a parting gift, too sharp, too shard,
To commit to belief, I should choose a life
So hard, and without her in it, darning sock,
Or choosing lint, I would be the one to squint
At a horizon, always feigning the act
To disappear, throwing salt over my shoulder, as she told me:
Would always swirl around this globe, and re-appear.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Again, structured-ish - I can only say, stemmed from a conversation with my Mum in the UK.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Scatterhatter

Tue, 2018-03-06 16:18

This is brilliant.
A complicated relationship with salt circling the globe....
I feel though fthat perhaps there's space to pop another word before reappear?

Would always swirl around this globe, and (slowly, stubbornly, cascaded) re-appear.

Is it you or the salt that reappears?

Mothers eh?

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2018-03-13 05:21

vandiemenspeak's picture
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It does need re-formatting and a lot of clutter removed, indeed work. Which will appear, as time allows, like other pieces foisted on this site. It is a completely honest depiction though, so I won't change the sense too much. thank you for reading.

Take care,

Chris :)

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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chevyvent

Tue, 2018-03-06 16:22

chevyvent's picture

Magnificent in this piece really incredible

Mario Vitale

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2018-03-13 05:24

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Glad it resonated some. It needs some work before achieving magnificence - but ya know, it was an honest depiction.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

Eumolpus

Tue, 2018-03-06 18:07

Eumolpus's picture

well constructed, good read, and good to see in classical forms too.

Title got me interested so here's the google "Hypotheses of the phrase's origin include Pliny the Elder's Naturalis Historia, regarding the discovery of a recipe for an antidote to a poison. In the antidote, one of the ingredients was a grain of salt. Threats involving the poison were thus to be taken "with a grain of salt", and therefore less seriously." hmmm.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

jane210660

Wed, 2018-03-07 12:16

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A pinch of salt is a well used expression in UK. It commonly refers to taking what you hear with a bit of leeway. ie - it may not be strictly true.
It is also something you throw over your left shoulder (literally) into the eye of the devil, to keep him at bay.
Just a bit of info. Jx

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Eumolpus

Thu, 2018-03-08 01:18

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I was just wondering where taking things with "a pinch or grain of salt" came from. Interesting it went back to roman times, and the way it got revised over the centuries .

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2018-03-13 05:30

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"Grain of salt" - "pinch of salt" - it was an oft quoted thing Mum used to say (still does) this gives much food for thought, or should that be a slightly tainted flavour? I think your comments shall inform my amendments. Thanks again Eumo.

Cheers,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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jane210660

Wed, 2018-03-07 12:25

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I've read this a couple of times and no doubt will read a few more.
I love the wistful nostalgia/sadness and the little touches that are so true to mother/son relationships.
How do I know this?
Because I am the mother, who's sons live far away.
Actually bought a tear.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. But in reality it's just achingly sad.
Jx

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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2018-03-13 05:34

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Wow, well, it certainly has been a fraught relationship. And it's true, that the tyranny of distance, is something perceived to have been imposed by me. Hard to make up for time and distance, especially when you can only do it in brief conversations over the phone. I can understand too, as I have a daughter who lives in Queensland, which may as well be the moon when you live and work in Tasmania.

Thanks for reading.

Take care,

Chris :)

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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