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SunKu 13 Workshop

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Sat, 2018-02-24 00:11

Springtime
I hear tones
of nature speak

grass blades
earth's insects
animal life

awoke
from their
winter slumber

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

Comments

raj

Sat, 2018-02-24 04:44

I liked this and created for me the sounds of Spring. Since you hear sounds from multiple sources simultaneously, please see if "buzz" would be a good replacement to read as

Springtime
I hear buzz
of nature speak

make change only if you find it suitable

hugs...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2018-02-24 06:11

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Too me

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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lonlyhrtsclub13

Sat, 2018-02-24 10:45

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Yet beautiful. Especially since I have spring fever right now. Been a long dream winter. I am ready for spring sounds and sighs. Well written

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

IRiz

Sun, 2018-02-25 00:06

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Nice poem!
Buzz is a summer thing to me,
It alliterates with earth and blades.

Tones enhances the word awoke.

IRiz

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2018-02-25 10:31

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Glad to have your perspective

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

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raj

Sun, 2018-02-25 04:46

Please ignore my suggestion and revert to the one from our learned friend. In retrospect I now feel foolish for making suggestions...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2018-02-25 10:33

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I appreciate your suggestion. I have a sunku just for you my friend. Be on the lookout. It’ll have the word buzz in it. Smiles

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

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weirdelf

Mon, 2018-02-26 23:09

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https://vocaroo.com/i/s1UUadgMBfIN

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Barbara Writes

Tue, 2018-02-27 13:16

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Glad you like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

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