Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Eating Well... [Sunku Workshop]

Submitted by Geezer on Mon, 2018-02-19 02:17

Killer
Murdering
Gastronomics

Soulful
Southern Soles
Steeped in soy sauce

Arranged
Artfully
Assuming Airs

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Workshop: 
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

Comments

IRiz

Mon, 2018-02-19 10:41

IRiz's picture
Volunteer badge

Thank you for sharing your disturbing scream.
It is not Eastern structure, the name Sunku emphasizes the connection of the form with Eastern aesthetic tradition. How we develop it is up to us global citizens of virtual site.
It is a version of free form. Free form is not specifically defined, it leaves room for experimenting and creating pleasant patterns.

Back to your poem. I think you very successfuly used the form for screaming.
I am still shoked and slightly nauseous.
If you move the third stanza in the middle you could make the reader see the first letters of your lines create another rude word.
You have created a motivating poem.
It could make world vegetarian.

IRiz

Geezer

Tue, 2018-02-20 09:06

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

the opportunity to make that [rude] word, but decided that I would keep it as is, to maintain the integrity of the poem. Killer is an artist. A gourmet chef. If you have a mind to become really nauseous and vegetarian, you should read more of Killer's exploits. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

IRiz

Tue, 2018-02-20 10:19

IRiz's picture
Volunteer badge

I agree with you.
I did read some of them. You are a skillful torturer. Honestly, I can't wait until you change your subject. Your killer eats you alive.

IRiz

Geezer

Tue, 2018-02-20 15:26

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

but he always comes back. he went walk-about last year and I wasn't sure if he would return, but here he is. Before Killer, I was not a happy camper; now I can release all my anger and frustrations through him and not worry about repercussions. Neat huh?

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2018-02-20 21:15

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

He is an outlet, a blend of sadistic humor and gore. I would have to bring my dark muse out to find him.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Geezer

Wed, 2018-02-21 09:04

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

far away, just use the scream of violence, like the Bat-Sign and he will fly to your aid!
~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.