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hedgehogfriend

My friend
is trying
not to scratch me.

But still
his feet stomp,
metal thorns ring.

He can't
hear white noise
of my poems.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked the Title as well as the content of this poem...would "whistle" be a good replacement to "white"..I recon whistle is a monosyllable...just a thought...even white is good..

raj (sublime_ocean)

The replacement would change the meaning
White noise means something that exist on the background like a rustle of leaves and sounds of rain or wind.

IRiz

author comment

Oh Ok...makes sense to me now...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Sometimes
when treading
carefully on eggs

poor lone
echidna's
efforts are futile

perhaps
it's better
to show your nature.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I agree.
Thank you for a poetic reply!

IRiz

author comment
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