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The Staircase
I was daydreaming,
of shadows on the staircase,
of when the day ends,
shadows creeping
up the stairs,
most staircases make noise,
particularly the old and elegant masterpieces,
whose boards have been
replaced more than three times,
those relics
have served many lives,
supporting bare feet
in anticipation
of a new life,
or a warm bed and a kitten,
staircases are like life,
where choosing the first step,
is important.
It is not wise to miss the first step,
it may cause a rift,
in the instinctive next step,
conventional homes have a flight,
of fourteen rises,
a rise being identical vertical planes,
spaced no more
than eight inches apart,
the horizontal plane,
known as a run,
is atleast nine inches,
there is always,
one more rise than a run.
It is amazing to think,
what a quarter inch can do,
even our stepping legs
are slaves to habit.
the first four steps
are taken the fastest,
in anticipation of
reaching the top.
It is not wise to break your step,
but to keep a rhythm.
Do not hesitate or stop,
to stop can be deadly,
for you are on uneven ground.
Try to fall forward
into the shadows,
for if you fall backward
you can fall into the nothing.
The nothing could be
your last step.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
trekker
Fri, 2018-02-09 15:33
Poetic stair builder
Poetic stair builder
author commenttrekker
Fri, 2018-02-09 15:36
After building stairs and
After building stairs and homes for thirty five years, I can write about it. This a prose piece I occasionally come up with.
author commentraj
Fri, 2018-02-09 15:57
One thing is for sure...you
One thing is for sure...you have made me think about staircases with a different perspective...there is room to convert this into poetry form...try it is what I suggest....
regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Eumolpus
Fri, 2018-02-09 20:50
my take
I wanted to see your poem as below. It works for me. After this end, the poem becomes more like a combination manual and safety protocol without poetic value. You have nicely built up in the reader the idea of the steps using imagery and nice words, the shadows, and uses what staircases represent in the mind as a symbol, climbing the staircase of life...very strongly.
That is the "raw truth" I see in this poem. I do think the below version is really a stunning statement. Hope you're not insulted. Several times have fellow poets chopped my poem into a third when presented in a workshop setting. For me, as the time passes...I often tend to agree.
The reader can sometimes see things I didn't....
I was daydreaming,
of shadows on the staircase,
of when the day ends,
shadows creeping
up the stairs,
most staircases make noise,
particularly the old and elegant masterpieces,
whose boards have been
replaced more than three times,
those relics
have served many lives,
supporting bare feet
in anticipation
of a new life,
or a warm bed and a kitten,
staircases are like life,
choosing the first step.
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
trekker
Sat, 2018-02-10 14:17
The Staircase
Thank you for your comment and yes I will give it some thought. I appreciate your advice. Thank you for being so gracious. Have a great day.
trekker
author commenttrekker
Sat, 2018-02-10 14:19
The Staircase
Thank you for your comment and yes I will give it some thought. I appreciate your advice. Thank you for being so gracious. Have a great day.
trekker
author comment