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Bloody Red Blue Super Moon

Moon shy
with millions
gazing wide eyed

gorgeous
celestial
ballerina

waving
from close range
to each gazer

[Style/Type: I have tried to use 2-3-4 syllable line with three stanzas, an innovative form thought of by fellow member IRiz. Please visit her Form Topic Page "Haiku and English Language" for more detail and give your shout. Hopefully those who like trim forms like Haiku may like to try i]

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

Great poem. Goes straight into my imagination centers of my brain.
I just see the moon strikingly bright and elegant like a dancer.
Thank you for sharing.

IRiz

Thanks IRiz for the visit and for your appreciation.....good to know it stimulated your imagination...

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I guess you found "ogling" to be sort of lewd. Replace it now. Happy?

Regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

raj you are wonderful
we are happy
a new creativity
you have revealed

Thanks lovedly for your comment

Regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Thank you for mentioning me,
enjoy the form and stop reffering to me,
It is free and belongs to you and whoever wants to try the style.

IRiz

since modified

Have I offended you IRiz in any way by mentioning that this form is your idea?.. If so my apologies..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

No no by any means no offense.
But I just want to give you credit you deserve as a poet and as an open minded spirit!

IRiz

Thanks IRiz for the clarification which takes a load off my chest. Fact remains that you have conceived this form and I back you more than 100 per cent. Not only I will try and use it wherever the theme and form are compatible but will encourage other member who like short crisp format to join in using it.

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Thank you very much my friend, I am glad to have such a talented poet supporting the idea.
I want to write an essay to Frogpond, an official journal of haiku society of America. let's run a workshop here and select best poems as examples in the essay. What do you think? Especially interesting are the before and after examples, e.g. comparisons of original and then structured lines.

IRiz

One think is for sure that you have a researcher's mind and always on an exploration drive...writing essays has not been my forte but it's never too late to give it a try, especially when it can stimulate minds of the readers and seek their opinion...float the workshop my friend ...i will definitely add my two pence to it....I notice that Stan has already suggested that you run a contest on the new form of poetry....i liked his idea so run a work shop or contest on it also ...

Get going...

regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

looking forward to our collaboration

IRiz

Must tell you IRiz that I am not an accomplished poet...far from it and consider myself to be an amateur on a learning curve...having said that count on me to contribute to your initiative to the best extent possible...after all what is pertinent here is that you have embarked on a path which will make useful contribution to the poetic fraternity....it is challenging and there would be some harsh critiques which you will need to take in your stride and not be deterred by them...

my very best wishes for success of this collaborative initiative..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

the worst case we will be rejected by the pond, but i will find a different journal then.
I have published scientific papers and reviews and essays. i am not accomplished poet, but i want to become one. but it does not matter where we are we always can try. I am going off line for a few days, best wishes

IRiz

I lik that defiant spirit which is a characteristic of those who move on in life with "come what may"....and generally have succeeded in their endeavors....i am sure you are no different...happy to know my guess was right about your being ambitious having a researchers aptitude...

best wishes my dear friend...have a great time while life takes you offline for a while from this domain...

take best care and be back soon...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

When there was only a moon and full moon. I never heard of blue, super or red moons until the last few years. Now to the poem. only thing I might suggest is trying "to each gazer" in last line. Seems to make it a bit more personal......stan

Thanks Stan for the visit. Your suggestion is great. I will make the necessary change pronto...

Regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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