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Untitiled

Submitted by top.ksgnr on Sat, 2017-11-04 18:27

Today feels unreal.
I can’t believe we are not part
Of the same world anymore.
I never thought that the last time we talked
Would be the last time we ever talked.

The first memory that popped onto my head;
Those Saturday mornings at the Burges football field.
When we would just play football all day.
No rules, just us doing stupid shit.

I remember how when I told you
How I felt unhappy with my body
You motivated me to lose weight.
You told me that if you were able to do it:
That I could too.

You were an amazing human being.
Always so positive.
I wish I had the chance to talk to you
One last time.

May you Rest in Peace
Untitled
You will forever live in our hearts.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
something that I learned this week, never take anyone for granted because you never know when their last day will be. you will regret it, trust me.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

weirdelf

Tue, 2018-01-16 02:41

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

There are two reasons.
Grief is hard, so hard, it never lessens, in a way we don't want it to, as though letting go of the grief is like letting go of the lost one. There is nothing anyone can say that helps. Your pain is palpable.

There is another reason. I see that you have not been giving feedback to anyone else. We are here to help each other, not just you. We are a non-profit site run by members for members. Give and get, sorry to have to say this during your grief, but remember, you are never alone here.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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