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She ....

She came for a moment
a fleeting one
just to give me energy
she was drunk by my eyes
and like wine dissolved
into the universe
in a momentous moment

gave me the fruits of joy
men need most
of an intent
to creativity
a beautiful content
and in the eyes of god
she merged after that monumentous moment...

devoid of all love and emotion
she did vanish
why did she have to come
and a truthful heart
a soul banish
heaven alone knows
why so!
lovely poet she was


Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


I loved it. Everybody's perceive the meaning in a different way. So if you got time, may I tell you what I understood from your write up? It will help me be better. And again, this was amazing poetry with use of images and metaphors. Keep up.
Such soft,charm and anger in the same time,all make April as love, a subjective feeling full of passion.This is a consistent writing,structured and gets an elaborate poetic style.Excellent
simplicity with such big meaning and thoughtfulness. Great job
- A wonderful black & white sketch to me, light and dark..moving. Love this.

Mario Vitale

and many will shy
let all not read the preciousness of adjectives
lest they feel jealous

thanks MV
I know you mean it

author comment

This is a standout. I'll have to come back to it when I have more time to think about it. It deserves some of my attention!

I shall wait your return

author comment

Great write, I have a few thoughts which do not reflect ultimate truth but my taste.
About the beginning

She came for a moment
a fleeting one
just to give me energy
she was drunk by my eyes (the imagery is great here, the wording is asking to be active, I am not against passive verbs in general)
and like wine dissolved (wine is already liquid ,so is the choice of the verb for her dissapiring important?)
into the universe (maybe it doesn't matter where she went? Universe sounds too cold and too loud and a bit overused)
in a momentous moment (I see from the rest of the poem that this moment is needed here, but do you really need it in the first line?)

Here is howI would say it in my words, but you have your own I know, but I wrote this just for fun, enjoy with me:

she has come
and she stayed long enough
for one touch

like a wave she was
and she soaked
in the sand of my thirst

in one glance
she was gone

and I?
I am standing alone
on the banks of my love

I am drunk by divine

I hope that it doesn't sound too corny,
What do you think?


WELL frankly speaking when any one composes a poem/poetry
what appears as visions
in the mind----- get translated into a poem .
Any other writer can get an inspiration
reading humming one's poem .
Then you are genetically very young
and this poet is old
the poem was composed a decade ago
here I posted it..... as so many liked it.
to be very frank with u Irene
i am delighted to read your newer version
kindly post it for a wider audience
they'd love it so much as i do
more yours youthful version
than mine 'tis true

Thank you
for my poem's
Dogs die young
as much as my poem
lived a decade or so
so no woe

author comment

It was not my intention, could you post a piece as a collaboration ? It is your content refrased by me.
It is your poetic vibe your moment of inspiration
It is my craft partially polished by Mary Oliver handbook and still far from perfect. Please, do not take it as a death of the poem but as a new reflection of it in my mirror. Best wishes, sincerely your friend , Irene.


Please combine the two
mine and yours
as you r a modern version
I will post it then as a collaboration

Surely it will be a
''combo- inspiration.'''.

author comment

Not sure what you mean.
I am not working on the text anymore.
I have to focus on my own stuff.


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