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Less Horizons...

Submitted by Geezer on Tue, 2018-01-09 11:12

Less Horizons…

Sneaking up on me
On tip-toe and silent feet
I was riding high and free
But old age and I would meet

I out paced it by my youth
I had so much heart
Now I was to learn the truth
What I should’ve known from start

Old age don’t play by rules
Neither does it care
It will steal the family jewels
It will take away your hair

The strength that you once had
Will slip off and go away
Your bones will hurt extremely bad
You’ll be weaker every day

But for now, enjoy your time
Keep on eating right and sleep
Have a dance and drink some wine
For your youth, you cannot keep

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
Just a little ditty I thought of after listening to some people talking about how they feel about themselves getting old.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

scribbler

Tue, 2018-01-09 23:11

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No young person will pay this poem much attention but most of us older know exactly what the poem is about......alas I'm part of the latter group lol. Now the line "your bones would hurt real bad". I know my rhythm often sucks but I'm still gonna make a rhythm suggestion lol. I think this line needs another beat. Maybe something like You bones will ache extremely bad?

scribbler

Tue, 2018-01-09 23:12

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No young person will pay this poem much attention but most of us older know exactly what the poem is about......alas I'm part of the latter group lol. Now the line "your bones would hurt real bad". I know my rhythm often sucks but I'm still gonna make a rhythm suggestion lol. I think this line needs another beat. Maybe something like You bones will ache extremely bad?

scribbler

Tue, 2018-01-09 23:13

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double post

Geezer

Wed, 2018-01-10 09:57

Geezer's picture
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The one that I have ridden most hard, about rhythm, telling me that I need another beat in a line!
But, you know something? You are right! It does and I will put another beat in that line. Thanks Stan, and about that double post; I know that old age does tend to take some of those memory cells, so you are forgiven. ~ Gee.
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