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A quiet Day

My world had shrunk
It caught me by surprise
Horizons came closer
Yesterday so far away

Where did my space go?
My world had shrunk.
I tried to think of reasons
Did I stop looking around?

Friends no longer by my side
Children retreated to hide
My world had shrunk
Or was it me on the inside

I didn’t fear my journey’s end
Lonely though without friends
"Why do I now seem so small ?"
My world had shrunk

That’s all !!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Last few words: 
Have had a bad day so others can suffer also..
Editing stage: 

Comments

On the express basis of the unique premise of the creative write. One should implement their core genre; As an attribution toward success. We can't sit back idle & expect help. The resistance is too strong. We must become ever more vigilant to this worthy cause. To family & friends. As time is allotted let us thank those who have contributed to the arts. Essentially, as a writer one must negate criticism. When it appeals to the whole populace at large. Sparrow demonstrates a given genre that illuminates this essential vibrance to all!

Mario Vitale

Lovely to have you visit me.
We as a group are able to write maybe our purpose should change from not self expression but to capture many more poets to our site.
Our works are ours now let us make them the worlds.
Yours as always, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

As we age (some like fine wine and others, like me, like vinegar) we shed friends and family like autumn leaves which shrinks our world. You say the same only better with this poem."What is it that makes me small ?".....hmmmm......Try using something like "why do I now seem so small ?" In my opinion it would clarify your intent.......stan

Many thanks for your visit, I have used your suggestion.
I jotted this down last night as usual just before bed around midnight there I haven't much time to edit..
We lost one of our Sisters today, I visited her yesterday and had a few moments of talking, then today just a visit with just holding her hand.
It is so hard to let them go, and it grows inside to something not good if we don't deal with it.
The road is full of obstacles young Stan, though we still have to journey on.
Damn bad start to 2018,
Night young woodsman and take care of all yours,
Know that I love to walk with you all,
Yours as always,
Ian, and the Children who watch over me..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

I love your poem.
one question though.
the image of shrunken world is powerful,
i find in difficult to combine with you feel small in the same time,
i rather thought you would feel unreasonably and awkwardly enormous
and finding no escape from the lack of air suffocated in the vacuum left by your distanced children and friends?

IRiz

The older you become, you realise that your friends are fewer and family grows smaller, yesterday shrinks as memory fades.
Age takes many things away, just today I lost my younger Sister, so another great part of my world has gone away, I haven't grown larger, yet my grief has to be enormous to cope with this loss.
When you grow older you will see what I mean, but as you are in your prime you hold onto all those that give you joy and understanding in this world.
I hope that this explains how I feel sometimes and how the world shrinks into oblivion at the throw of a switch.
Take care young one and it is lovely to walk with you, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Dear Ian, thank you for your time and efforts explaining me your poem, your set of mind and sharing the fact of your loss. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you the best energy to cope with it.
Sincerely yours, Irene.

IRiz

Thank you for your thoughts, we have great support from our families here and that is all that really matters. Any extra is a bonus to our feelings and repairs.
Take care and thanks for your visit,
Yours Ian. xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

thank you

IRiz

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